The "The better to see you with ... My Dear" Story

It was an ordinary day.  I'm trying to keep my glasses on my face rather than have them in front of me on the desk as I type.  My glass-wearing days started years ago.  I was in my first year of midget baseball.  Midget ball follows midget-midget and junior midget ball in sequence and has nothing to do with the size of the players, except that the midget-midget teams are for the younger age kids who naturally happen to be smaller. After having a successful year in midget-midget baseball playing for the Schick team in the city league and winning the State Jr. Midget title the following year while playing for the Young Republicans, I joined one of my local high school summer teams, the Grandview Heights Midgets.  I couldn't hit the ball as well as in years past and naturally was concerned.  Then it hit me (not meant to be a pun) that I couldn't see it as well.  Talked to mom and dad and they took me to see an eye doctor who told them I needed glasses.  Back to my old self again, batting close to .500 and being second on the team in hitting.  For years I had glasses to help me with myopia which is having difficulty in seeing distance.  As I aged I started to notice that I was having some difficulty reading and seeing objects close to me which is called presbyopia (I didn't make these names up or I naturally would have called them something sillier).  Off to the eye doctor again and ended up with line bifocals.  Now all I had to do was place my glasses on my nose and I could see near and far.  Then along came progressive lenses  where you could not see the line in the center of the lens.  I believe in planned obsolescence and swear that the glass companies had this idea from the start, but wanted you to have to buy new glasses to be "in-style" so they first put out the lined ones, then introduced the progressive after everyone had a pair of line bi-focals.  Anyway, I bought a pair of progressive lens glasses and was happy,  Then, naturally came the photo-gray glasses which are coated with a material that cause the lens to darken when light hits it.  Had to change again and get a pair of photo-gray glasses which I thoroughly loved.  Then one day, as I was reading the newspaper, I realized that I could see the print better if I took off my glasses.  Well, one thing led to another and I eventually opted for a new pair of glasses without any bi-focal lens in them, but with the photo-gray option.  I was set, so I thought.  The only problem now was that every time I took the glasses off to read or type stories or eat or ....... I would misplace them.  So I tried the cable that attaches to the tips of the side pieces of the glasses except my wife told me they looked stupid.  End of that idea.  Then one day noticed that the photo-gray coating was wearing off  the right lens.  Took them back to Costco where I had purchased them and was told they would recoat them for free, but they would have to keep them for two weeks.  Not going to work.  I eventually decided to buy another pair of progressive lens glasses from Costco with the photo-gray and when I stopped at Costco for them, gave them my old pair to keep for the two weeks and recoat with the photo-gray for free.  Make any sense to you?  Well, I now have two pair of glasses, but the second pair of progressives are tough to get used to since the lenses are "in-style" and very narrow in height and the progressive part starts somewhat higher on the lens.  That's why I having trouble keeping the glasses on my face.  And to top all of this off, I'm too old now to even swing a bat.  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.