The "Those Lazy, Crazy Days of Winter" Story

It was an ordinary day.  Sitting in front of my computer thinking I have to go turn up the temp- erature on the thermometer to maybe 68 degrees.  During the day we keep it at 65 degrees to help with energy costs, but when I'm home during the day and trying to type on a keyboard with old, cold fingers, it doesn't make sense.  The weather we have been experiencing in the north-east has been unbelievable.  Cold temperatures in the minus category with wind chills that make it feel like it's Alaska.  Only problem with that is that it's warmer in Alaska right now than it is in Lancaster County, PA.  Just how cold is it, you ask?  Well, it's so cold that the other day the fog was freezing and causing mishaps on the roads.  

Creamsicle contemplates whether he
plans to ask to go out or not.

 It's so cold that I have to wear mittens instead of gloves or my fingers hurt.  It's so cold that when my nose runs while shoveling, the snot forms an icicle from the tip of my nose.  It's so cold that the driveway, even though it is free of ice and snow, allows the paperboy to slide my newspaper about fifty feet uphill on it's surface to my garage door.  It's so cold that a window in my family room which was left slightly ajar and when it rained, the rain eventually froze and now the window won't shut, and won't until it reaches 32 degrees and allows the ice to melt.  So cold that when you spit out your car window the spit freezes before it hits the ground.  So cold that my plastic snow shovel cracked and split in half when I tried to shovel the snow.  And, it's so cold that Creamsicle, the cat, who constantly sits by the back door wanting to go out, would rather take a day-long nap than risk freezing his feet on the cold surfaces outside.  And, the prognosis for warmer weather doesn't look too good.  

And, his response!

 Probably going to be another week or more before we even reach freezing!  Yeah, I know it's freezing out, but I mean 32 degrees.  And to top all that, the Superbowl is allegedly going to be played next weekend outside in this weather.  The football will be sooooo hard that there will be dropped passes, overthrown passes, punts gone astray and kickoffs going who know which way.  So who was the smart one who was influenced enough to allow the game to be played in the north in an outdoor stadium?  And, for those who question global warming.   Well, because of dangerous carbon dioxide (CO2) emission levels which have been placed in the atmosphere by excessive and unnecessary use of fossil fuel use, the polar vortex has begun to warm, pushing all that cold air that used to be there to the south.  Farther south than even Alaska, therefore sending our local environment into a deep freeze.  Schools around here have been closed several days this winter, not because of snow or ice storms, but because of temperatures in the near zero range which makes standing out in the cold for any length of time dangerous for the younger school age children.  Only with responsible use of our world's fossil fuels will be be able to bring change to the environment.  So there's your answer!  Now I must stop writing and go turn the temperature up a few degrees so I can type some more.  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.