Extraordinary Stories

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Sunday, November 9, 2014

The "Art Collector Extraordinaire ...... NOT!" Story

It was an ordinary day.  Decided to write my third story in the last few months about a neighbor on nearby Roseville Road who has taken it upon himself to be the art critic for the entire neighborhood.  Only problem is he lacks any semblance of common sense with the placement of what he calls art on the front yard of his home.  This all started a few years ago when he began displaying pink flamingos on the grass in front of his home.  Over a period of a few summer months his collection grew and grew until he had them all over his yard.  Neighbors talked of the guy with the pink flamingos, but eventually the novelty subsided and he must have decided he needed something else to attract the attention of his neighbors.  This summer he began with an old bathtub that he painted pink.  That was followed a week or so later with an old metal bed which was filled with dirt and topped off with flowers.  Naturally it too was painted pink.  
I thought the bed of flowers was rather imagina- tive, but more quickly followed.  Next came a pink mailbox, pink bulldog, pink toilet and a pink bicycle.  I thought it was a collection of old junk, but evidently he thought of it as art.  Then came the one-armed mannequin that was painted pink.  One of the neighbors must have complained that it had no clothes on it so he added a pink bra.  And, it was all done in the name of art.  Then came the five-panel unit which featured nude people and statues.  This really got the ire of his neighbors as well as those who drove the street daily.  Just what he wanted!    Neighbors complained to the local officials as well as the police that their children were subjected to nudity every day when their school bus passed his yard.  The alleged art collector said, "It's my constitutional right to put anything I want in my yard, as long as it's art."  His neighbors claim his display "is just inappropriate."  He claimed the panels were purchased at a yard sale and are from a play or a movie, but he isn't sure which one.  He claims that he not only collects art, but typewriters, phones with cords and old radios.  He also says that he is Greek and the panels display his heritage.  I guess he must be talking about the nude statues since there must have been Greek nudes in his heritage somewhere.  
In a newspaper interview he said, "The more they complain the more stuff I'm going to put out there.  And there's nothing the township can do about it."  And, to top all this off, he added lights so the neighbors could see all his artwork round-the-clock.  He did finally put pink tape over the genitals and breasts of the men and women featured on the panels as well as a pink pompom and a pink fig leaf on another couple.  A real hero he is.  Can hardly wait to see what happens next.  I can hardly wait.  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.  PS - click on photos to enlarge them.

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