The "Leave Them Laughing" Story

It was an ordinary day.  Sitting in my lounge chair reading the Sunday News with my 15 pound orange and white friend sitting in my lap napping.  Oh the joys of fatherhood.  Staring at me on the front page of the paper, beside the annoying "sticky ad" that is a nuisance, was an article titled "Leave them laughing" written by staff writer Suzanne Cassidy.  Made me grab my laptop that was sitting on my snack tray next to me and start a search through my blog for a story I typed a few years ago.  Called it "Obit".  It was written in 2010 and was at the end of the first year of stories that I posted.  At the time, I thought I would run out of stories after a year and choose to write a story about what I would like in the newspaper as an obituary when I died.  To some that may sound gruesome, but do you really want to leave it up to the newspaper, funeral home or friends and relatives to write what you want said about yourself?  Well, I found the story and have re-posted it at the end of this story, but I must tell you about the story in the newspaper today.  Tells about how obituaries have changed over the years to make them more personalized and in some instances funny, even hilarious.  Talked primarily about one that was in the paper shortly after a woman died on February 11th of this year.  Headline said:  Farewell to 'Jezebel'.  Under the bold heading was a sub-head that read: Helen A. Sagerer, Dead. Yep, that's what she wanted written in the paper.  And also: Helen, also known as Mom, Gramma, Mommom and, in her later years, our personal favorite "Jezebel," wanted her friends, caregivers and family to smile one more time!  Helen's daughters weren't sure if the newspaper would run the obit, but hey, you have to pay good money nowadays to put an obituary in the paper and how can the newspaper tell you that you can't run what you want as long as it isn't obscene or derogatory.  Helen's daughter Annie wrote the obituary with the help of her two sisters and after they all approved it, the obit ran in the paper.  Boy, did she feel the sting of some of the readers.  One person said that the obituary was "a shame for the people who want to cut it out and save it."  Annie replied in the paper that she could just hear her mother saying, "What the hell are you cutting out an obituary and saving it for anyway?"  Wow, I would have loved to have met this woman.  One of Helen's grandchildren who is 18 years old said, "She was probably the funniest person I ever met."  Even when she was at the end of her life and in the hospital after falling at her nursing home, she joked about a handsome orderly by saying, "I think he charged my battery."  The obituary was fun to read and showed how Helen had lived her life bringing joy and laughter to the lives of everyone she touched.  Since the beginning of 2014 there have been several other obituaries that have been rather unusual.  One was in the form of a party invitation to the funeral telling party, or I mean funeral, attendees to wear their "favorite festive" hat.  Another mentioned the woman's nickname as "Mama Roadkill".  At the end of January one obit detailed the deceased's "perfect meal" when it listed: prime rib, mashed potatoes, iceberg lettuce with blue cheese and Italian dressing and red raspberry pie for dessert.  Another obit in February told of the deceased as having Parkinson's disease and to the dismay of her children had taken to "eating less, making chocolate her major food group." That obit quoted her granddaughter as saying, "That woman ran around and did everything for everybody her whole life.  She should eat damn chocolate all day, every day."  I can just imagine the comments for that obit.  And, last year I wrote a story about another obituary featured in our paper about a guy whose life had been … "filled with endless laughter and debachery.  Jack was widowed 10 years ago after 61 years of marriage to Elaine Ewing Holden.  He had a number of wives recently, none of which were his."  I thought the obit was so funny I had to share it with you. Well, my obit that I comprised wasn't anything close to those, but still gave the readers a chance to see my life as I saw it.  So, take a second look at what may be in the newspaper in another 30 years, God willing.  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.  

Larry W. Woods

Ordinary Guy

  

Larry W. Woods died on September 9, 2044 at the age of 100, surrounded by his wife and friend of 77 years, Carol, and his children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and great-great grandchildren at his home in Lancaster, PA. He died shortly after watching the “Today” show and seeing his photo on a jar of Smucker's Jam. This was the one item on his “Bucket List” he feared he would never achieve. He had a grin on his face as he fell asleep for the last time.
   Born in Lancaster, he was the son of the late Paul H. and Dorothea E. Woods. He is survived by his wife Carol; two sons Derek C., husband of Barbara, Paul T.; daughter Brynn A., wife of David Mencarini; grandchildren Courtney A. Mencarini, Camille G. Mencarini, and Caden C. Woods; 11 great grandchildren; 23 great-great-grandchildren; brother Stephen P., husband of Kathy. Special mention is made of long time friends Magali and Stephane who have cared for the Woods' St. Martin Villa for years.

   He graduated from Manheim Township High School in 1962 and Millersville State Teachers College in 1967. He was employed by the Manheim Township School District as an Industrial Arts Teacher for 33 years and was honored in 1990 as one of the Best Teachers in Pennsylvania in a Salute to Teaching. His 1972 Rifle Team won the PIAA State Championship and is still the only team to win a state championship in the history of the school district. He did this even though he had only shot a rifle two times in his life.  He also was adviser to the yearbook for 30 of his 33 years at the high school. In 1999, after retiring from teaching, he continued with the district as middle school yearbook adviser and in-house printer. Also worked until his death at Grebinger Gallery for one of his former students.  He was the owner of Woods Printing Services. He finally retired in 2035 with 80 years of service to the school district as either a student or employee. He was honored with a plaque above his old classroom naming it as "LDub's Room 108."

   He was a member of St. James Episcopal Church in Lancaster where he was a member of both the boys’ choir and the adult choir. Played the King that presented the baby Jesus with myrrh at the Christmas Pageant. He served on the Vestry and he and his wife were co-chairs of the annual Town Fair Prime Rib Dinner for 5 years. He was involved with the Manheim Township Baseball Association for 13 years and his 1991 Midget Team won the New Era Tournament Title. He won the World Series in the Red Rose APBA League in 1978. In 1997 he captured 1st Place in the 8th Annual Faulkner Corvette Day with his 1987 red Vette "Big Red". In 2009 he won 1st place in the SXM Web Forum photo contest. For years he sold stained glass original panels and artistic Polaroid Manipulation Prints at galleries in PA, MD and NJ. From 2009-2044 he authored a daily blog based on his life’s experiences titled “Extraordinary Stories from an Ordinary Guy.”  Yesterday was his last story which numbered 22,877.  In 2035 it was published in book form and was on the NY Times Best Seller List for 18 straight months. It can still be found at many local book stores. He held memberships in PSEA, NEA, MTEA, Giant Bonus Card Club, AAA, AARP, HOP, Borders Reward Program, The Lancaster County Corvette Club, and the American Writers Guild. On December 15th, 2010 he was ordained a minister in the Universal Life Church. 
   He was widely known for having two different colored eyes, winning a contest for having the loudest sneeze, being a world traveler, mowing his grass with his 75 year old Lawn Boy, enjoying his favorite meal of creamed peas and eggs on toast, speaking the first word that came to him even if it made no sense, getting all-over tans on his favorite St. Martin beach, wearing the same red shirt pictured on his obituary for over 40 years, driving like a maniac and being an ordinary guy.

     A funeral service for Larry will be held at St. James Episcopal Church on September 12, 2044 at 11:00 AM. Family will receive visitors from 9:00 until 11:00 AM. Private Interment will take place in the St. James Graveyard immediately after the service with punch and cookies served in the Parish House. There will be milk for those that choose to dunk in his memory.  Funeral Arrangements and Cremation will be handled by The Groffs Funeral Services. Some ashes will be saved for his lovely wife to scatter on the beach at Club Orient in St. Martin.  In lieu of flowers, which will be dead in a week anyway, donations can be made to the Juvenile Diabetes Society. You may send condolences to the family by using mental telepathy with your wireless head set or send vision readings with your 3D computer scanning device. It was the final extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.