The "I Pooed, I Pooed!" Story

It was an ordinary day.  Yelled to my wife from the first-floor bathroom, "I pooed. I pooed!!"  The last time I remember screaming the same words from the bathroom was over 70 years ago when I did much the same thing after going to the bathroom for the first time in the potty-chair rather than in my diaper.  The excitement couldn't have been any greater than it was today, for you see I was having a problem passing anything excepts liquids for over a week.  Main reason was I was only taking in liquids.  I had no appetite and was eating very little.  And, most of the fluids I was getting were from the IV bag running to my arm next to the hospital bed I had occupied for three days after suffering through my 4th back operation.  The sip of cold water and ice chips I was offered did help somewhat.  I ate next to nothing while in the hospital and it was much the same thing after returning home.  About 7 days after my last solid food at a restaurant in the neighboring village known as Mount Gretna, I knew I had to at least try to eat once again.  But, that wasn't until Sunday, August 12, when nearly a week after my last meal when I had cherry baked oatmeal for breakfast, a dessert for lunch and Carol's famous Spam, Mac & Cheese with stewed tomatoes for our evening meal.  Within a few minutes I could feel something churning and it wasn't long after that I began my parade of gas trips to the downstairs bathroom.  But, nothing solid was on the move.  Carol suggested a laxative, but I told her I had already consumed an entire bottle of stool softeners and my problem was that I had nothing in me to come out.  The week of heavy pain meds certainly didn't help either.  And then...on another suspected gas trip to the bathroom, it happened.  

And, boy did it happen.  I yelled to Carol to get the plunger for it seems I had stopped up the toilet!  She was more than happy to open the line and get me back to normal once again.  Now, I just need to continue to eat to keep the cycle going.  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.