The "How Can This Happen To The Oldtimers Of Lancaster?" Story

It was an ordinary day.  Opened an email sent to me by an unsolicited site titled "Story For Me...be informed".  

Online website whose name sounded interesting to me.

Normally don't open mail that I don't recognize, but the title of the site seemed interesting; so, I clicked!  Story that it revealed was titled "5 Top Places To Retire in 2019".  Interesting!  It was this past October that U.S. News & World Report published a similar story and listed my hometown of Lancaster, Pennsylvania as the #1 place in the United States to retire.  Lancaster is known as the "Garden Spot of America" and the idyllic rolling green hills is a big draw for those who have lived their entire life in a large noisy environment.  Lancaster offers a great balance between natural and commercial spaces as well as a variety of colleges and tech schools for those who choose to go back to school.  Lancaster also has a variety of health care systems to cure just about every malady an old person might develop.  Well, after clicking on the email and bypassing a variety of ads, I opened the No. 1 place to retire in 2019 as per the site "Story For Me...be informed".  Any guesses?  Yep...the No. 1 place to retire is...Lancaster, Pennsylvania.  You have any idea how scary this may be for all the old people who have lived in Lancaster all our lives!  Many of us are preparing our homes to place them for sale so we can move into one of our many retirement homes we have.  But, during the past few years, the list is growing at each retirement home which means that you have to get your name on the waiting list which may take a year or more before you can enter the retirement community of your choice.  And, we don't have just one or two communities.  We have over 20!  And each one has a waiting list!!  I hope this will be the last online list that tells everyone to move to Lancaster when they retire.  The new list says that Lancaster seems to be on the top of the list of Best Places to Retire due to increases in housing affordability, the overall happiness of its residents and access to health care.  This formal capital of Pennsylvania is located between Philadelphia and Harrisburg.  

Photo of Lancaster that accompanied the story.  I have
lived in Lancaster all my life and I'm not sure where this
photo may have been taken!  Not a good choice of photo
to try and sell a place as a place to retire.  But, that's OK!

The only good thing about this new online list of best places to retire is the fact that the photo that accompa- nied the story looks like the worst place in the city.  It shows buildings with paint smeared on them, a building that looks as it is may be burned and a busy and crowded skyline.  Now who would want to move to a place like that?  I'm hoping that's what people will think.  The 2nd thru 5th choices all have great photos to go along with the recommendations.  But, you know...that's fine with me.  Our streets are beginning to get congested and the time to get to and from work is getting longer.  People...this just isn't a good place to retire.  You can take that from me who has lived here all my life.  And, don't believe anymore magazines or websites that tell you anything different.  Stay away!!  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.