The "Hey, Did You Hear The One About...Part I" Story

It was an ordinary day.  Sitting in the family room with my wife Carol talking about all the funny things that have happened to us during our many years of traveling.  Most of the events have happened during vacations in the Caribbean, but a few events are from travels to Hawaii as well as travel to the Chesapeake Bay area.  Some of the stories I have written about in the past, but thought I should include them since they are part of the many hilarious misadventures  that have been part of our travel lives. 

1. Traveling by plane between two small islands in the Caribbean, one pilot began pointing to the left, telling the other pilot where we were going to land.  As we looked at the other pilot, he was holding a map and pointing in the opposite direction.  Not sure which one won out, but for a short time we were wondering if we were on the correct flight.

2. Preparing to board another flight between two islands, we were told to stand in a line according to weight.  You can imagine how well that went over!  Our luggage was weighed and placed in the wings of the plane and we were placed in our seats so that both sides of the plane carried the same amount of weight.  One flight we will never forget.

3. While in Hawaii, we took a helicopter tour of one of the islands.  Carol and I sat in the center of the rear seat with two other couples on either side with a camera taking a video of the rear seat as we flew around the island.  At the time I had a small pimple on the corner of my right nostril.  It began to itch and I naturally had to rub and scratch it.  When we got the video, everyone wanted to see that five minute segment of the video of me "picking my nose" over and over, not really caring what the island looked like from the air.  

4. On the island of Maui, Carol and our traveling friends, Jere and Sue, wanted to go on a horseback ride.  I don't enjoy riding horseback so I took them to the ranch and headed to the gas station to refuel the rental car.  I pulled up next to a pump and when I got out I realized the gas cap was on the other side of the car.  I placed the pump handle on the ground and got in the car to turn it around.  Then I realized I got in the back seat.  Guys in the gas station must have been laughing.  After getting gas I headed to the post office to mail a box of dirty laundry back home so we would have more room in our suitcases for souvenirs.  I had to write on a paper what I was sending home and when the girl at the counter read I was mailing dirty underwear back to the states, she had a good laugh.

5. While in St. Thomas, our car was parked on the opposite side of the lot from our hotel.  It had rained hard and the water in the parking lot had begun to rise.  I didn't realize how high it had risen and while trying to get the car across the lot with Carol and friends Jere and Sue in the car, the water began to spill into the car.  By the time I had crossed the parking lot we had quite a bit of water inside the car.

6. While on another trip to St. Thomas, our friends and Carol and myself decided to rent a car.  Jere and I found a ride to a car rental place where all the cars were given names.  We selected a car named "Jimmy" and after taking care of all the paperwork were headed back home to get the girls to drive around the island.  As Jere and I were leaving the lot I spotted a car with "Larry" painted on the front of it.  

Told Jere I just had to have a car with my name on it.  Went back to the office and in no time were headed home in "Larry" who was driven by Larry.

7. While on vacation along the C&D Canal in Maryland with family, my cousin Judy's husband, Lance, and I decided to take our 5 children on a boat ride in the boat that was in the water by the dock where we were staying.  Had a great time until it was time to turn the boat around and head home.  Boat shut off and we found the tank was empty.  We got the boat to the shore and Lance stayed with the kids while I walked up a path to a home to try and get some gas.  Knocked on the door and a naked woman answered.  I asked, slowly, if I could have some gas.  She pointed to the shed next to the house and told me to help myself.  I did so and before long we were back on the water, heading home.  Then the motor stopped.   Had plenty of gas so we were stumped and had 5 crying kids in a boat with no shade that we couldn't use.  Lance hopped in the water and told me to steer while he kicked!  The tide was in our favor and after another hour or so we made it home.  Lance was exhausted!  What should have been an hour trip took close to five hours.  Never touched the boat again.

8. While in Antigua we took a tour of the island with a tour guide known as Michael.  We stopped at a beach for a dip and while getting back in the van, I noticed we had a flat tire.  Michael wasn't quite sure how to change the tire so I ended up doing most of the work to change the tire while he watched.  Guess I should have charged for my services as he did.

9. While sitting on a beach in St. Martin, Carol noticed I had a red rash on the back of my right leg from my waist to my right knee.  She said she thought it was Shingles, since she had them in the past year.  After a day or two I couldn't stand them anymore so we headed to the Capital town of Philipsburg.  Went into a pharmacy and a clerk looked at my leg and said she didn't know what it may be and therefore didn't have anything to treat it.  She suggested I see a doctor.  She called one for us and in 10 minutes we were sitting, talking to an island doctor.  He told me to drop my pants and I told him I didn't have any underwear on since it hurt too much to wear them.  He laughed and said he never wears underwear either.  He had no idea what it was...until Carol told him what she thought it was.  He looked it up on his computer and agreed with Carol.  Told me his computer said he couldn't do anything since I hadn't come to him soon enough.  It eventually stopped itching and hurting a few days, and a whole lot of dip's in the salty ocean later, while no one on the beach wanted to get near me.

10. On St. Martin there are a few nude beaches.  Carol and I thought it would be a real experience to try one and after arriving saw a few older couples sitting together who looked to be our age.  Sat near them and had a fun day talking with them while getting overall tans.  We all decided to go to supper together.  When Carol and I arrived we saw this lady sitting at a table by herself, but couldn't find the other couples.  Then we saw one of the gentlemen we had met earlier in the day and he pointed us to the table where the woman was sitting by herself.  We walked over to her and said, "Sorry, but we didn't recognize you with your clothes on!"

Well, I could go on and on, but I'll leave the next edition for another day.  Hope you enjoyed some of our vacation misadventures as much as we did.  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.