The "Dear Mr. Congressman" Story."

It was an ordinary day.  Had just picked up a copy of "The Fishwrapper" at my local grocery store.  Neat 16 page newsletter that comes out bi-weekly.  Full of all types of information as well as advertisements, but does carry a religious theme to it.  The latest issue had all types of stories in it, but the one that caught my eye was titled "Dear Mr. Congressman."  It had been written by Erwin van Swol and was adapted from the Coronet, March, 1959.  So, check out the types of letters sent to congressional workers some 63 years ago.  I find them both interesting, but quite amusing.  All letters began with...Dear Mr. Congressman... 

Dear Estes Kefauver,  "I want to tell you that I have bought a television set, an electric refrigerator, and a vacuum cleaner.  Now you can do me a slight favor.  Will you get me electricity into my house so I can use these articles?" No response was given to the letter.

Dear Represnetative Thomas B. Curtis, (Missouri)  "I wish you would arrange to send me a filibuster."  Again, no response was given.

A man phoned Representative Dante Fascell and asked:  "What should I feed the baby alligator I want to keep as a pet?  Since you represent Miami, Florida, I figured you would know."  Congressman Fascell got in touch with the Washington zoo and supplied the answer.

This letter made former Representative Donald E. Tewes of Wisconsi hesitate only momentarily: "Dear Sir,  I would like some information on the body.  Thank You."  The congressman, playing a hunch, sent the woman a fact book on the human anatomy and asked if that was what she wanted.  It was!

Dear Mr. Congressman,  "How old am I?"  The Congressman wrote back saying he presumed the lady was seeking proof of age for Social Security purposes and enclosed a blank form for her to fill out to institute a census bureau search, which would cost her three dollars.  

Former Representative William A. Dawson of Utah opened an envelope one day and a shower of bugs fell out along with the letter reproduced in the original spelling.   Dear Sir,  I wonder if you could help me with a problem.  We built a new home hear 3 years ago.  We have some little brown bugs in our dores on the shelves in the flour does or where I keep corn starch.  There brown and hard, turn upside down.  After they have been in the flour a while or mush it goes full of worms.  I can't find out how to kill them or git rid  of them in anyway.  Anything they get into goes wormer in a while.  They are small and hard.  I have to keep ever thing in paper sack or close up tite.  They will git in cookies.  It is awful to put up with them." Congressman Dawson sent the specimens to the entomology research branch of the Smithsonian Institution.  There they were identified as Tribolium ferrugineum, the red flour beetle.  The harried housewife was supplied with instructions on their control. 

Congressman Prince H. Preston of Georgia received a registered package one morning in which he found a set of false teeth.  From the accompanying letter, it appeared that an elderly constituent had gone to a veterans' hospital for a medical checkup and somehow had left the place with someone else's teeth.  He asked Representative Preston to take the teeth back to the hospital and locate his set.  This the congressman managed to do.  After a swap, the proper owners had their correct teeth.  

Conscientious congressmen will often go to considerable lengths to please constituents.  A barrel of roe shad, dribbling ice water, was received at a certain congressman's office along with a request that he deliver the fish in person to an attached list of people in Washington.  After wrapping each shad in brown paper, the congressman smilingly made the designated rounds.  Next day there were two dozen families who could boast of fine fare, presented with real distinction.  

Representative Perkins Bass sent a booklet entitled "Infant Care" whenever he gets word that somebody in his district has had a baby.  On one occasion, he received this reply from the husband:  "I realize that I have been rather busy with several extracurricular activities this past winter, but did not see how such an event could have taken place without coming to my attention.  In checking with my wife, however, I was assured that you must have the wrong name. 

Oh, well.  We all get things wrong from time to time.  Representatives are human also!  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.