It was an ordinary day. Reading my latest "The Fishwrapper" which I pick up every trip I take to my Stauffer's of Kissel Hill in nearby...Kissel Hill! The lead story was titled "On Turning Seventy-Eight by Alan Balter. The more I read, the more it seemed as if it had been me writing my own story, with a few minor adjustments. So, my following story of growing old gracefully after a long career of teaching high school and working a few years for a former student, doing what I taught him to do, will be much in the same form as "On Turning Seventy-Eight," except I have changed the title to "On Turning 80" which will be my next stop along the age trail! If you are ready...I will begin...my story!
It's been said that inside every old man, there is a young man wondering, "How did all this happen?" That young guy is still in there; in fact we still talk all the time. Not only that, but I still think I know what he looked like. He was six feet tall with a thick head of dark brown hair, fairly aligned white teeth, lean and well-muscled at 175 pounds. His one eye was green while the other one was brown; without a hint of diabetic retinopathy, macular degeneration, or corneal erosion. Very few times did he have to say to his wife..."Say that again!" since his hearing was near perfect. His body was in fairly good shape and he could climb a flight of stairs carrying one of his children or pets without panting like a rabid dog. He could pitch softball with the best of them and had normal blood pressure. His cholesterol level was good as was his blood sugar numbers. When he went to sleep, you had a hard time waking him since he slept so soundly. There were no unsightly scars or warts on his face and he had only one chin. He could speak fluently and could always seem to find a kind word for everyone. He would digest his meals completely and was seldom bothered by bloating or gas. He usually had his shirttails tucked in his pants. At times he may have gotten a headache, but one small pill would relieve his pain. He almost never got sick and missed only a few days of school while teaching high school Industrial Arts. He coached every one of his three children, 2 boys and a girl, during summer baseball and softball seasons and spent a few weeks every summer along the Chesapeake Bay with the family. He wasn't concerned about brain or colon cancer and didn't take more than a pill a day or worried about having to go to the doctor all the time. In short....My inner man is amazingly similar to what I used to be. Young and filled with strength, energy, and manliness. But, my inner man recently began to have conversations with myself when I turned about 70. We talked a lot, almost on a daily basis. We started our conversations when I got an invitation to join the American Association of Retired Persons in my mailbox. At first I thought the post office must have made a mistake and sent the invitation to the wrong person. But it was to me! I looked at myself in the mirror and began a full-length examination of myself. Somehow, the bathroom mirror must have warped, because my forehead appeared higher up on my head, and my hairline looked like an inverted U. And...what happened to my skin? It never was that wrinkled before! My teeth weren't as bright white as they used to be. Then I noticed the hairline above my eye brows. Was it always way up there. Actually...I had a hard time finding my hair line since it had receded so far back on my head. The real surprise came when I observed the cumulative effect that gravity had taken since my last inspection. I no longer had that powerful athletic appearance. Instead, my muscles sagged and my stomach appeared to be a bit larger than before. I guess after my doctor told me that since I'm over 70, I'll probably wake up each morning with a few more pains, and if I don't feel the extra pain...I may just be dead! Hurray! I thought, since I definitely have those aches and pains that he told me I would and should have. One more thing I have noticed in the past few years is that the newspaper must have gone to a smaller size of type. But, the most disheartening surprise came when I observed the cumulative effect that gravity had taken since my last inspection. I no longer have that powerful athletic appearance; instead my muscles, those that I still have, seem to sag and my stomach seems to have sagged quite a bit. I'm clearly still alive, because just about everything hurts! Nothing acute, but just plain hurts! As far as my hairline goes...I no longer have one. I'M BALD! And it's NEVER GOING TO COME BACK!! "Who cares?" I asked my inner man. I guess I could find a few doctors who could "liven me up a bit", but why? I decided that I can worry myself about all my physical problems, or just enjoy living! I saw a greeting card recently that read, "Everyone is young once, and you've had your turn!" How true! So, I have finally decided to grow old gracefully. Now, at 79, I seldom speak with the young man inside me. In fact, I'm almost positive he's vacated the premises and moved in with another maladjusted, old curmudgeon. He was a good guy, and he taught me some very important things along the way, but the fact is that it takes a while for the cup to fill and run over, so I will be patient and keep the cup level as long as possible. I'll learn to live with the pain! At least I can still feel it, which can't be all bad! And, I haven't given up the thrill of putting my fingers to my laptop keyboard to share a story or two with you along the way! And...I still have slightly more than half-a-year left before I reach the next level of 80! It was another extraordinary day in the life of an old, ordinary guy.
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