The "What's In A Name?" Story

It was an ordinary day.  Reading an article in the "Lighter Side" of my May/June "The Saturday Evening Post" titled "What's In A Name."  Funniest article I have read in a long time and just thought I had to share it with you.  The author of the article was a fellow by the name of Philip Gulley who is a remarkable writer who had me laughing for at least a half hour after I read the article.  Story began by asking the reader if they ever wondered what they would have been called if they weren't called what people call them?  Lost yet?  Phillip goes on to say that all his life he has been called by his first name, Phillip, but now he wants to be called by his middle name, Henry, or better yet, Hank.  Phillip makes me think of someone from Connecticut who went to Harvard.  Hank, on the other hand, is reliable, steady, and down-to-earth.....the man you call when your car won't start or your plumbing springs a leak.  Some names pretty well determine your destiny.  If your parents named you Jeeves, you're meant to be a valet.  If you were christened Bambi, you'll probably work at Hooters.  Hank's work in hardware stores!  People are changing their names all the time.  A lady in our town named Pat vacationed in India and came back a Taylor, which doesn't sound Indian at all, but that's her business.  I know a Mark who became a Mary, so going from Phil to Hank isn't that big a deal.  If I had a child today, I'd give it a name that covered all the bases....like Feather or Ocean, perfectly serviceable hippie names that defy categorization.  History has ruined some names.  I know a man born in Germany in the early 1940s whose parents named him Adolf, which was apparently a big thing back then, but isn't so much now.  In fact, it's illegal to name your child Adolf Hitler if you live in Germany.  In France, it's against the law to name your child Nutella, the nectar of gods.  If you live in Malaysia and want to name your child .007, you can't.  The same goes for naming your child Burger King in New Zealand.  The story went on to say that if they were the President, they would make it illegal to give your child a stupid name.  They would create a list of acceptable names with approved spellings.  There'd be no more Megyn's, Korbins, Leigh's or Nevaehs if they were in charge.  They think that all can agree that the United States was better when people had simple names spelled correctly.  Ditto!  He said he knew that Nikki Haley wasn't going to win the Presidency the moment she declared her candidacy. Her name is working against her.  Doesn't sound presidential!  Our first woman President needs to have a distinguished name like Elizabeth or Eleanor or Louise.  No Barbie's or Bambi's, since they sound like they might also have worked at Hooters.  I belong to a motorcycle group called the Quaker Outlaws.  One of the members is named Harold, but goes by Mike.  Another member is named Nelson, but wants to be called Ned.  Hey, if your name is Spike or Mad Dog, give us a call.  We'd make you a member right away.  So...as you see...names mean everything...allegedly.  And...some names are extremely stupid, so they are!  Now...that's according to yours truly, LDub!  You do realize that is short for Larry W., don't you?!  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.