The "Retirement Home Gossip" Story

It was an ordinary day. Having lunch with my mom at Moravian Manor in Lititz, PA. I try to visit once at least once a week and take her lunch at the Cafe that is in the center of the retirement home. Never a day goes by that something unusual doesn't happen. Take today for instance. Now, from here on I will not use real names to protect myself! Mom and I run through the cafeteria line, she ordering a hamburger on a soft pretzel roll with a small salad and a half-cup of soup and me with a half a sandwich of ham salad, lettuce and tomato with a few onions and a bowl of corn chowder. We both had a small bag of chips and a coke. The chowder is great since I have had it before, but mom never eats much, yet she ordered enough for two people. I tried to talk her into sharing the burger, but she said she was hungry. At least it won't cost her anymore that her regular lunch. Her burger wasn't ready when we checked out, but then it never is and they always bring it to the table. By the time I have paid for my lunch, mom had found us a table with another resident, Ms. Gossip. I arrived and gave mom her soup and salad along with a few napkins to put under her food as a placemat. She looks at me and says, "Is this my salad?" "Yep, you made it yourself," I told her. I didn't say, 'don't you remember', because I already knew the answer to that. In a minute or two, I felt to sizable hands on my shoulders. Mr. J appeared and pulled out the remaining chair at our table. He immediately started to open his mail that he had just retrieved. Mr. J is 78 years old while Ms Gossip is in her mid-80s. Mom will be 90 soon and myself, well you're only as old as you feel and I feel half their ages right now. After opening all but one envelope, Mr. J stares at the final one then opens it. "Oh, an invitation to the wedding celebration in Steinman Hall for Mr. Rich and Ms. Small. He tells me that they are both residents and have been friends since Mr. Rich's wife died a year or so ago and now are getting married. Ms. Gossip speaks next, "Well, I'm not going to say what I heard about them." "Now why would you say that if you didn't want us to know," says Mr. J. Ms. Gossip looks at us in a disgusted face and says nothing. "Come on, you know you want to tell us," I said to her. Then mom chimes in, "I wonder where my hamburger on the pretzel roll is. I'm going to look for it." "Mom, just wait. It will be here after they have made it. Eat the other stuff you have in front of you." Ms. Gossip begins, "Well you know that she lives across the hall from me in an apartment. And, you know that she's been married three times already and she's so small. Heavens, he's so big! Now how will that ever work? And, my cleaning lady told me that they are buying one of those new condos and moving in together. Boy, people around here aren't going to like that. And, my cleaning lady told me that he was a lawyer and has lots of money. Can't see how that's going to work out with her being so small and him being so tall." "You think they are going to do something together?" Mom asked her. "Heavens, I don't know!" Ms. Gossip says. "You'll have to ask your cleaning lady," I tell Ms. Gossip. Then Mr. J starts, "Did you hear the one about the tall guy and the short girl, they ................" "Oh, Mr. J," Mom says. "You're naughty. I'm going to go get my hamburger on a pretzel roll," Mom tells us and off she hustles. "You know, my cleaning lady said she got an invitation and the guy who fixes the plumbing got one, too," Ms. Gossip says. "I don't know how they will get all those people in Steinman Hall," she continues. Mr. J said, "It holds a couple of hundred people, you know." Mom arrives back at the table and a second later the hamburger on a pretzel roll arrives. "Here, eat half of this. I'm not hungry anymore." It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy. PS - .....and this happens every time I visit!! Keeps permanent laugh-lines on my face at least.