The "Derby Doom!" Story

It was an ordinary day.  At least until 7:00 PM when my wife looked at me and said she was going to bed.  Didn't feel well.  Minutes later I heard the toilet flush and the shower running.  Found out that she was indeed ill and had hopped into bed.  Upset stomach and ached all over.  I finished watching a TV show and headed to my office to forward the second of two yearbooks that I do for the school district where I used to teach.  Sat in my swivel chair and it stuck me.  Made sure the doors were locked and the lights turned off and headed to bed myself.  Same thing that she had.  That evening we were both up many times spewing stuff from just about every orifice in our bodies.  We swore it must have been the Oriental restaurant that we had visited two nights before.  Lucky for us we have two bathrooms on our second floor, since they both were in use a few times during the night.  Next day was more of the same.  Then we got a call from our daughter-in-law checking on us and told us that our son was in bed with the same thing.  That would make sense since he too was at the restaurant.  But then, later in the day, she reported back that our grandson was brought home from school with the same thing and that 14 families who were at his Scout Pack's Pinewood Derby had come down with the same malady.  Lucky for the restaurant!  Well, I have finally recovered enough to sit at my computer and forward the yearbook to the company as well a type this short story.  My trusty friend, Creamsicle the cat, is lying on my desk playing with my computer mouse as I type on the keyboard.  This little arrow seems to move around my screen as he slides his paw across the mouse.  He stuck by us for the last two evenings by laying across our sore bodies.  The 16 pounds had to be pushed off more than once.  Poor guy didn't understand what he was doing wrong.  Here's hoping that the other families have recovered and I can load the photos from my camera to share with you the excitement of the Pinewood Derby.  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.

The "Living with the Genetic Mutants" Story

It was an ordinary day.  Back on July 21st I wrote about going to the eye doctor and having his assistant, Layne, tell me that at one time everyone had brown eyes and only with changes in our environment did the color of our eyes start to change.  I'm not sure I believed him and I'm not sure how many of you believed what I wrote that day.  Well, believe it!  Why?  Because I just read an article written by Professor Hans Eiberg from the Department of Cellular and Molecular Medicine at the University of Copenhagen who said, "Originally, we all had brown eyes." Ah, Ha!  So now I can also believe it and I will tell Layne that when I return in a year, since I'm sure he thought that I thought he was crazy when he told me that.  Professor Eiberg said, "A genetic mutation affecting the OCA2 gene in our chromosomes resulted in the creation of a "switch", which literally "turned off" the ability to produce brown eyes."  The "switch" was a change from an "A" (adenineto) to a "G" (guanine) in the OCA2 gene that regulates the pigmentation of our eyes, hair and skin coloration.  The mutation didn't totally deactivate the OCA2 gene or all blue-eyed people would be albinos.  The Professor believes that the mutation took place 6,000 to 8,000 years ago in the northern region of the Black Sea where the great agriculture migration to the northern part of Europe took place in the Neolithic period.  That one person who had the mutation occur within them is responsible for all the people in the world with blue eyes.  Be easy to trace your ancestry if you have blue eyes, wouldn't it.  

This photo shows my daughter-in-law Barb and my
grandson Caden.  Both of Barb's parents must have
had the blue-eye gene in order for her to her her
beautiful eyes and Caden got his from his parents,
so my son Derek, Caden's father, must have the gene.
Means that either LDub or his wife, Carol, carries
the blue-eye gene. I guess we could find out by
testing, but does it matter?  I guess we're all
in some way genetic mutants!

I also read that neither the first person to have the mutation nor his or her children would have had blue eyes themselves, since blue eyes are a recessive trait and therefore must be inherited from both parents.  Had to have happened from marriages within that family, through maybe distant relatives, that the blue eye color appeared.  If you have blue eyes, your neighbor or friend who shares your azure irises, is a distant relative.  The variation in the color of the eyes from brown to green can be explained by the amount of melanin in the iris, but blue-eyed people can only experience a small degree of variation because they will always be blue.  The mutation from brown to blue eyes isn't good or bad, but is one mutation such as baldness, freckles and beauty spots that has occurred over time in nature.  Wonder who the first bald guy was that I can trace my heritage back to and where in the universe he lived.  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy. 

The "Meatloaf Paradise" Story

It was an ordinary day.  Watching TV when the phone rang.  It was my son Derek on the other end wanting to know if I happened to be watching The Travel Channel's "Meatloaf Paradise."  Told me that they had just featured the Neptune Diner as one of the eight best places in the country to get meatloaf.  The Neptune is located on Prince Street in Lancaster about a block from where I grew up.  Didn't eat there much when I was a kid, since mom and dad didn't have the money to eat out often.  Mom cooked all the meals at home and boy did she make a great meatloaf.  Topped it with BBQ sauce and bacon strips, sometimes adding cheese to the top of that.  Well, the Neptune is known for their Pennsylvania Dutch favorites such as made-from-scratch apple dumplings and shoofly pie, but it's their famous meatloaf that brings the locals out in droves according to The Travel Channel.  Derek and I made arrangements for him and his family to stop and pick Carol and I up and head to the diner for supper.  Wasn't sure if we should call and make reservations since the show had just been featured on TV, but decided we'd take a chance and hope they had 5 chairs for us.  Arrived just after dark and found a parking space in the almost empty parking lot next to the diner.  The fluorescence lights of the old-time diner illuminated Prince Street in a carnival-like atmosphere.  Headed to the door and found that we were not going to have a hard time finding a place to sit.  Young girl ushered us to our seats in the back room of the diner which was decorated in a 50's style theme with photos of old diners with classic cars in front of them and stars featuring the likes of Marilyn Monroe, James Dean, and even Elvis lounging on the chairs.  The black and white tile floor reminded me of diners of by-gone eras which were famous for their greasy-spoon eating establishments.  Even though I have eaten here before, it still brings back memories of living in the neighborhood years ago and stopping for a milkshake in the summer during vacation.  I wouldn't classify the Neptune as a "greasy-spoon" diner, but not far from it.  The menu was unbelievable with easily over 100 items.  I came here for meatloaf so I chose the Meatloaf Stack which said it was Tony's old fashion recipe with beef gravy, mashed potatoes, onion rings, mushrooms and cheddar cheese.  I chose my without the mushrooms.  Derek looked at me and smiled and ordered the same, but with mushrooms.  My wife, daughter-in-law and grandson chose burgers, not wanting to have the best meatloaf on the globe before seeing how we could handle it.  The diner is owned and operated by Tony Mountis and his family of Lancaster.  I had Tony's son Alex as a high school student in the early 90s as well as knowing his other son Gus and daughter Stella who also went to high school where I taught.  Alex was featured on the "Meatloaf Paradise" episode while Gus was featured cooking scrapple on another episode The Travel Channel broadcasted a few years ago.  Our meal arrived and I looked at the plate in front of me and wondered if I could eat everything as well as wondering if I would still be alive when I was done.  The fat and cholesterol just oozed from the plate.  Grabbed my knife and fork and starting cutting one of the pieces of meatloaf.  Then Carol said, "I thought you were going to take a photo of your meal before you ate it."  Put the the utensils on my plate and reached for my camera.  Hustled through the shot and headed back towards the plate.  After a few bites I offered Carol a piece which she accepted.  Watched her eat it and looked at her for her response to the famous meatloaf.  But, she beat me to it with, "What do you think?"  I gave her my honest opinion ....... "Not my favorite!"  You know, it was good, but I think the cheeze-whiz, or whatever they draped over the meatloaf, ruined it for me.  I have made meatloaf myself for years and I must admit my pepper meatloaf was much better ..... at least to me.  Carol's meatloaf is way better, also.  Well, we finished eating and someone stopped to ask how we enjoyed our meal.  I faintly recognized her and asked her if Alex was working.  She told me that her brother was off for the evening.  Ah ha, must be Stella.  Introduced myself and the family and we talked for about 15 minutes about the show and how many people were having meatloaf tonight.  Had to triple the amount of meatloaf they made ever since the show aired.  Told her to say "Hi" to Alex for me and we headed to the front door to pay our bill.  Standing at the cash register was a fellow that looked to be my age, but with hair.  Had the same features as how I remember Alex looked as a student as well as our new friend Stella so introduced myself again and it was Tony, the famous person for whom the meatloaf was named.  I was going to ask him to visit with me some day and try really good meatloaf, but declined to do so, as my wife was listening to my every word and I didn't want someone poking me in the ribs.  Fun evening and we will return again ..... when they are featured again on TV or maybe for one of those good old milkshakes I remember from my childhood.  Yeah, that's while I'll stop for soon.  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.   PS - check out the photos from the diner.

Interior of the back room with signs, photos and black and white tile on walls and floor.

Cover of the 8-page menu. 

Tony's Meatloaf Stack.

Photo I found showing the interior of the main dining room at the Neptune Diner.

The "Cat-Sitter Jinx" Story

It was an ordinary day.  Just talking to our daughter-in-law, Barb, via FaceTime on our iPad.  Gave us some upsetting news.  Seems that our cat-sitter, Barb's cousin Lori, became ill two days ago and had to have her friend take her to the hospital where she underwent an emergency appendectomy.  Our son, Tad, who had been visiting our house every morning on his way home from work to feed Otis, our cat, as well a bring in the mail and mow the grass will take over the cat-sitting duties for the next couple of days until we return from our vacation.  Gonna be hard to find a cat-sitter pretty soon after word gets out about the illnesses that can afflict you while cat-sitting at LDub's house with Otis.  About a dozen years ago, after deciding that we would rather leave our aging cats at home instead of placing them in a kennel with all those rowdy dogs, we starting to search for a cat-sitter who, if not able to live at our house, could spend an hour or two every day with the cats to keep them company and give them their meds and feed them.  We asked one of the attendants at our vet's office if she knew of anyone and she told us that she does cat-sitting for several other people.  Leah was a perfect match for us and our cats.  She loved animals and was about the same age as we were, and knew how important our cats are to us.  For about half a dozen years, while cat-sitting for us, she would visit with them in the morning on her way to work, give them their meds and feed them.  If there were any days that she could not do the chore, she would call our son and he would stop and take care of the job for us.  Then, one day, a few years ago, while we were on vacation, she became ill at our place and had to call her sister to take her to the hospital.  She had suffered a stroke and informed us that her work schedule was too stressful and she was going to have to give up her cat-sitting jobs.  We were so upset that Leah would not be able to watch our cats because we could tell they enjoyed her visits with them.  Needless to say, her health was more important than watching our cats.  Shortly after we received Leah's news we were visiting Barb's mother's home for Thanksgiving and happened to mention to someone about our cat-sitter.  That was when Lori told us that she would love to stay at our house and watch our cats.  Seems she owns a home near Harrisburg, PA and works in Lancaster, PA, about a mile from our home.  Staying at our place for a few weeks would be a real treat for her, since she could stay in bed longer in the morning with a much shorter drive.  We thought we were set, until the news we just received.  We're hoping that Lori will still be able to cat-sit when necessary, but if not, it may be tough to find a new one after they hear about what has happened to the previous two.  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.

The "Kids Say The Darnest Things" Story

It was an ordinary day.  Just got a call from my son, Derek.  Seems that his wife, Barb, and son, Caden had just returned from a Cub Scout field trip.  This is the first year that my grand-son has been in Cub Scouts and he just loves it.  A few weeks ago I wrote a story about a trip that he and I took to the police station so he could get a badge for law enforcement.  Well the trip that Derek had to tell us about was his trip to  farm near Mt. Joy, close to where they live.  Derek could not take Caden to the trip because of his shift work, so Barb took him.  The farm that they visited was a dairy farm that had approximately 900 milking cows.  The manure that is produced is used to create electricity for about 200 homes in the area, and the remains of that process is used for bedding for the cows.  When more milking cows are needed, they artificially inseminate the cows and when the calves are born, any bulls are sold while the females are used to replenish the herd.  Caden and the other scouts visited every area of the operation, including the maternity ward of the farm.  Pretty impressive for a young boy of seven years-old.   Derek told us about how much he enjoyed the trip and couldn't stop talking about it.  Then Derek told us that Caden said, "Dad, you should have seen the size of the nuts on some of those cows.  They were the biggest I've ever seen.  Bigger than my head."  Yep, out of the mouths of babes comes some of the most remarkable comments.  Derek knew right away what he was talking about, but Barb looked at Derek, clueless as to what Caden meant.  Then it struck her. I need not say too much more to you, do I?  Except, remember that this is a dairy farm and all are cows.  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.

The "Polar Bare Plunge" Story

It was an ordinary day. Just finished talking with my daughter-in-law, Barb, about a photo that I had found among the rest of the family photos. Picture of her and our oldest son, Derek, before they were married along with a few of Derek's friends and ...... yep, that looks like Etta, Barb's mother. And after examining the photo some more, it looks like they have bathing suits on. I see a big smile cross Barb's face as she looks at the photo. Date on the bottom of the photo is 01/01/02. Barb told me, "That's our New Year's Day polar bear swim at Myerstown Quarry. It was the year before we got married. It was the first time that I joined Derek and his friends for the annual dip on New Year's Day. We had such a good time. It was very cold and a little snowy that day, but the sun finally came out. Lots of people gathered. We all arrived with out bathing suits under our colthes and close to noon we all removed our clothes, stood on our towels in our suits, and at noon someone blew a horn and we all ran for the water. We were supposed to swim to the wooden platform that was about 50 feet out in the quarry. There were so many peoplethat you couldn't swim, just wade out to the platform. Water was up to your chest." She then started to laugh again and continued the story. "After we got out of the water everyone grabbed their towel since it was freezing cold. If you notice my mom is in the picture. She decided she was going to try it with me. Well, we all were drying off when Jimmy D. said to Derek, 'Dude, I just saw your future mother-in-law's rack.'" Seems that Barb's mom, Etta, was sooooo cold that as she was drying off her top fell down and she didn't even notice it. She must have heard Jimmy yelling to Derek and looked at herself and realized that her "rack" really was exposed. Quickly pulled her top up as the photo was being taken. Evidently made for a good laugh for everyone and Etta, being a good sport, laughed with them. After the plunge they made hot dogs, burgers and had a great time eating and drinking while they regained their body temperature. Barb told me it was the last time they attended the event, but definitely will never forget the excitement it created that New Year's Day. It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy. PS - photo shows Johnny, Jimmy and Derek in the back left with Etta and Barb (in sunglasses) in the front. Looks like Etta is still trying to get her top back on.

The "She's different than most girls" Story

It was an ordinary day. The big wedding was almost over. Our oldest son Derek was married today to Barb. Really neat wedding, but then when it is your son, the wedding had to be neat. Derek had dated a few different girls in high school and college and had always preferred the blond bombshell type. A few years ago he told us he was bringing his new girlfriend home to meet us. He said, "She is different than most girls I have dated in the past." And, boy was he right. She was a very pretty brunette and ......... she was extremely smart. Wore glasses even. Something new! Barb worked in customer relations for Donnelley Printing where Derek helped run a large web press. They were introduced and, as they say, the rest is history. Barb was from Elizabethtown which is nearby. The wedding was set for today, September 27 and all the arrangements followed. Barb had 5 attendants which included her cousin Lori and soon to be sister-in-law Brynn as well as three close friends. Derek had his brother Tad as his best man, longtime friends Johnny M., Jimmy D., Greg H. and soon to be brother-in-law Dave as his ushers. Johnny, Greg and Jimmy were friends who grew up with him on the baseball field. The wedding was held at the Hempfield United Methodist Church near the house they would share together. This morning Barb and the bridal party traveled to the New Image Salon where they had their hair and makeup done and then returned to Barb's mom's house to wait delivery to the church. Derek and the guys met at Derek's house in East Hempfield before traveling to the church. At about 1:00 PM a limo transported the girls to the church while the guys drove their own cars. Preliminary photos were taken before the ceremony as the guests arrived. A unique feature that they had was a Polaroid scrapbook. As guests arrived, someone took Polaroids of everyone to be used to place in a memory scrapbook. All guests were seated and the service began. Derek and his best man and the ushers enter by the altar and then the bridal party began their entrance from the rear of the church. Finally Barb entered with her sister who escorted her down the aisle. Service of marriage was administered with the prayers, vows and rings and then ....... kissing of the bride. Smooth as can be. The remainder of the wedding photos were taken and then the entire bridal party traveled to Landis Valley Farm Museum for a few more outdoor photos. Across the street they went to the Olde Hickory Inn for the reception which went off without any complications. Food, drinks, dancing, wedding cake, garter, bouquet, DJ and you know ...... the whole wedding thing will be a lasting memory for both of them. And as usual, my dear wife Carol looked stunning!! It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy. PS - Photos from the top are: Barb in her gown in our living room, my wife and son before the service, LDub and son before the service, the Bride and Groom and the wedding party.