The "I'm Telling You To Do It Right Now!" Story

It was an ordinary day.  What do you do on an ordinary day?  I usually begin my day by walking down my driveway and retrieving the morning newspaper.  Sometimes my cat Creamsicle would walk with me, but he has passed, so now I walk by myself.  In nice weather I find a seat on my rear deck and begin to peruse the front page of the paper.  Then I hit the obits and the editorial page before I check out the "Dear Abby" column.  What? You don't read "Dear Abby."  She offers some pretty good advice at times.  She must be good since she has been in the Lancaster newspaper for years.  The column was founded in 1956 by Pauline Phillips under the pen name of Abigail Van Buren.  Pauline wrote the column until 2000 when her daughter Jeanne Phillips began to help with the column.  Jeanne became the sole author in August 2002 when she announced that her mother had Alzheimer's disease.  Pauline Phillips died on January 16, 2013 at the age of 94.  So you see that much advice has been offered to the world by the Phillips family over the years.  I share this information since the column today deals with something close to me.  Column was titled "Suicide rate among older men is overlooking tragedy."  Writer wrote to "Dear Abby" telling her that her elderly father's dearest friend had recently committed suicide.  Shot himself in the head.  Seems her dad has lost three of his best friends to suicide recently and was wondering if he was secretly suffering.  The suicide rate for men 70 and older in the U.S. is double the overall suicide rate.  How can this be I keep thinking?  Many of my friends are over 70, as I am, and I now worry what they may be thinking of doing in the near future.  I have a few friends who have medical problems such as I do and I now wonder if they may have thought of ending their life at some time.  How do I tell if they are depressed?  I don't feel I'm equipped to be able to diagnose their depression.  The writer went on to ask Abby how can we help prevent these tragedies.  As for myself, I was certainly interested in the answer.  She first says that men aren't as open about sharing their feelings as women so it is very hard to tell if a man is depressed.  Many men, such as myself, were taught all our lives that expressing emotions made you "weak", so we have stayed silent.  Men who were the family "breadwinners" may have now retired and no longer are needed in that position.  They may now fell unwanted.  Abby lists risk factors that should be observed such as:  Have they lost a wife or significant other?  Are they alone and isolated?  Do they think they are a burden?  Do they have a firearm in the house?  Do they lack motivation or energy?  Have they lost interest in eating or getting out of the house?  Abby tells her audience that many think these things are happening because a person is old.  Hey, anyone can display these symptoms I just listed no matter what age they may be.  Should you just ignore the symptoms because someone is old?  She suggests you should try to get an older man to volunteer or use their lifetime skills to help someone in the same type of occupation.  Help them stay connected.  Her final thought for the day was if you need advice about how to approach a friend or family member whom you suspect may be depressed, call the national Suicide Prevention Lifeline.  Toll-free at 880-273-8255.  Could save a life!  Don't wait until it is too late.  Do it right now!  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.  

The "Suicide: When Grief Strikes" Story

The beautiful St. James churchyard.

It was an ordinary day.  Standing in the St. James Episcopal churchyard, taking a few photographs to be used on a few stories I have planned to share with you.  St. James was established in 1744 and is one of the most beautiful churches in the city of Lancaster, Pennsylvania.  The historic churchyard has Revolutionary War heroes, Civil War heroes, as well as WWI and WWII heroes buried there.  

St.James steeple can be seen in the background.

My mother and father are also buried in the section of the cemetery allotted for cremation ashes.  My story today began as I walked through the churchyard and stumbled upon a very small grave marked by a granite headstone that was perhaps 8"x12" in size.  Next to the headstone was an Easter egg and a small toy rabbit.  An old lock as well as a few coins and two more ceramic ornaments sat atop the headstone.  At first I thought it to be a young child that may have been recently buried, but the church hasn't allowed recent burials since the cemetery is full, except for the memorial garden where ashes may be buried.  Then I read the date on the stone and realized the stone was over fifty years old and the young girl buried in the site was 22 years old at the time of her death.  

Small headstone for a young woman in the churchyard.

Now, what you have just read took place about a month ago.  Today in the newspaper was the answer I was looking for when I snapped the photo of the small headstone last month.  For the past two days the Lancaster Newspaper has been doing a special on teen suicide and how it affects the family, friends and the community.  Loved ones of teen suicide victims have been sharing stories of love, loss and hope and how their experiences may help another families facing the same situation.  Well, the final newspaper story featured the stories of three women who have been affected by relatives who have committed suicide.  

The headstone sits right inside this open gate.

As I read the story of one woman whom had lost her daughter 33 years ago, I instantly realized I know this young girl.  I recently took a photo- graph of her tombstone.  I read the entire story of Beth's mothers' struggle to cope with her loss, even though it happened 33 years ago.  She explained that her daughter was scheduled to graduate from college when two weeks before graduation, her boyfriend broke off their relationship.  On Memorial Day weekend Beth got sleeping pills from a pharmacy and went back to her dorm room and took them with Vodka.  Beth's mother said that she had always been dramatic.  She earlier had starred as an actress at the Fulton Opera House in downtown Lancaster and had plans to continue her acting career after college graduation.  Beth's mother, as well as her three younger sisters, took her suicide hard and tried to put all the pieces back together once again.  

Click to enlarge.

She needed therapy for her grief.  The family bonded together to get over their grief.  What may have become of Beth had she lived?  I guess we will never know.  Beth's three sisters all have families of their own now and I'm sure they think often of their sister and hope they will never have to go through what their mother did over 30 years ago.  Who may have placed the mementos on her headstone?  Family members?  Friends?  Her life is still being remembered by someone.  Why did she do what she did?  I'm sure that has been asked over and over again by her family.  As part of the newspaper story they did a survey in local high schools with these following responses to their questions: 16% said they had considered suicide; 13% said they had planned suicide; 9% said they had attempted suicide; 63% said they had experienced emotional abuse; 23% said they have experienced threats and physical injury.  So, what can be done?  It's tough coming up with a single answer for everyone.  The newspaper did end their story with the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline which is suicidepreventionlifeline.org; 800-273-8255.  They also added the information for deaf or hard of hearing with 800-799-4889.  Finally, they added the Lancaster County Intervention information; co.lancaster.pa.us/1136/Crisis; 717-394-2631.  If you may need help, please contact the numbers I have just listed for you.  Someone can help you; I'm sure!!  Don't be a statistic!  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.