The "Email Friends And Cousins Forever!" Story

It was an ordinary day.  Standing in line at the Reynolds Funeral Home in Quarryville, Pennsylvania waiting to talk with my cousin, Susan, whose husband Gary had recently passed away.  For the past few years Carol and I have been closer to Susan and her family than we have been to other relatives.  I have nine cousins who I have known for close to three-quarter of a century.  My father's sister Lillian had two children who our family vacationed with for years along the rivers that fed into the Chesapeake Bay.  Cousins Judy and George were close in age to my brother and I, so we had a great time together every time we vacationed.  But, time moves on and though we still talk and see each other from time to time, its not very often.  My mother had two sisters and the older of the two, Virginia, thought she was a few years younger than my mom, had three girls.  Aunt Virginia, Uncle Bob, Lynn, Susan and Amy lived in Strasburg, PA which is about 15 miles from Lancaster.  My brother and I visited with our cousins, but usually only a few times a year for summer picnics and during holidays.  My mother's youngest sister, Lois, was only a year or so older than me and I think of her almost as much a cousin as an aunt.  She has two sons, Johnny and Michael, who are cousins who we also see maybe once a year.  About 20 years ago Carol and I decided to move from our home in Grandview Heights, where we had lived for 29 years, to a place that reminded us of a beach house.  I gave cousin Susan a call and asked if she could handle the sale of our house and the purchase of our new home.  She had been a realtor for a few years and was the perfect choice.  She sold our place the first day it was on the market and helped us land our beach house for what today seems like a steal.  We got to know Susan once again, as well as her husband Gary, during the next few years since she also helped both our sons buy houses for themselves.  Gary worked for a heating and cooling company and he helped when we needed to replace those systems in our beach house.  A shared meal or two along the Chesapeake helped us get to know the two of them even better.  Susan no longer sells real estate, but for many years now we have been internet friends with constant emails back and forth, primarily about our families.  I helped her a few years ago when her older sister and my cousin, Lynn, needed the use of a computer.  I happened to have one that fitted the needs of her sister, so she mailed it to her sister.   Our shared emails were about just about everything from grandkids, other relatives, time she and Gary spent at their hunting cabin as well as illnesses that affect just about everyone our age.  But, a few months ago that all changed when she began to tell me about Gary and his health struggles.  Some things reminded me of what I was going through while others sounded much more serious.  Well, one email led to another and finally she broke the news to me of Gary's illness.  Sounded very serious and I was at a loss for words to type back to her to make her feel better.  Then the email came telling me about Gary being taken to Hospice to help manage his pain.  What can I type back to her that will mean anything and make her feel better?  NOTHING!  Then Carol told me of the Facebook post by one of Susan and Gary's daughters telling of her father's passing.  I quickly wrote a note telling Susan to let me know what we could do to help.  A day later I got an email that told the entire story.  As I read it I could see that she was using our email friendship to help her talk to someone about what she was feeling.  The tears began to flow as I read more and more of her story.  I could almost see her tears on the keys of her computer as she was typing her story to me.  It's a few days later now and I can give her a hug and tell her how sorry I am for her and her family as I stand in front of her at the funeral parlor.  Her daughters, Gary's daughters, stand nearby also greeting visitors.  Carol and I haven't seen the girls in some time and I asked Susan if they will recognize us.  She bet me $20 that they will remember us.  As Carol and I walked away after our visit she looked my way and asks if they remembered us.  I shake my head yes.  She says, "You own me $20."  I can see the pain beginning to ease.  I walked into the next room, took $20 from my wallet and folded it.  Walked back to Susan with my hand out as if to shake it and when she reached for me I put the $20 in her hand and said, "Now, we're even!"  Actually brought a smile and a laugh covered her face.  Her loss will never go away, but she will survive if she can laugh and smile and remember all the wonderful moments she and Gary had together in their lives.  No one is immortal!  We will all face the same end.  But, with help it may be easier to handle.  I will be on my computer tomorrow telling her how nice it was to see her again.  And, I just know she will be typing back to me.  After all, we are email friends and cousins forever!  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.   

The "Just Don't Sneeze Under A Ladder" Story

It was an ordinary day.  Checking my Facebook page as well as looking at the myriads of emails I have accumulated over the past few days.  Most of the emails go directly into the trash, especially those that I have no idea who may have sent them to me.  Then there are other emails that I know will be interesting so I click on them immediately.  I get emails a few times a month from a local eating establishment that always sends entertaining and interesting emails that really have very little to do with food.  Today was no exception since the email was titled "13 Superstitions That Still Scare the Bejesus Out of Us."  Now who could refuse viewing an email like that.  My first thought was why did they decide to list 13 superstitions when everyone knows that the number 13 is scary.  Sure enough, there was superstition #13 that said that the number 13 was unlucky.  Began saying that Apollo 13 was cursed from the start because of its flight number.  And, why do some buildings bypass the 13th floor when building.  Is floor #14 really really lucky if it follows floor #12?  And, do you really have bad luck on Friday the 13th?  I wonder if the Bible would have been written different had Judas Iscariot not been the 13th man at the Last Supper.  And, was Jesus crucified on Good Friday the 13th.  Many people have a deep fear of the #13 and I'm not sure if I am one of them or not.  Well, the other 12 superstitions are just as frightening; that is if you are really superstitious.  They are, in no particular order:

1. Spilling Salt:  Are you one of those people who have to throw a pinch of salt over your shoulder if you happen to knock a salt shaker over and salt spills out?  I am!  Did you know that by doing so you were blinding the demon waiting behind you.  In the Middle Ages, those living in Europe would leave a line of salt outside their door believing that witches would be compelled to count every grain before entering.  And, did you know that Leonardo Da Vinci, in his painting of the Last Supper, shows Judas knocking over the salt!  Oh, for Heaven's sakes!
2. Opening an umbrella indoors:  At one time in history owning an umbrella was a rare luxury reserved for royalty who used it to shade themselves from the sun's rays which contained invasive spirits.  Now that would be a great reason to open it anywhere.  Some believe that bad vibes are expelled when opening an umbrella indoors, but for me ... I don't believe in this superstition.
3. Horseshoes:  Supposedly the luckiest of all good-luck charms is the horseshoe. The ancient Greeks invented the horseshoe to protect the feet of their horses as well as to honor them as holy animals.  The "U" shape is associated with the crescent moon which is seen as a symbol of fertility and good fortune.  Just don't hang a horseshoe upside-down outside your home for it will surely burn to the ground.
4. Wearing black while mourning:  The devil's playground creates this superstition.  Years ago it was said you should avoid a person who had been around the dead since it was said to be contagious.  Some even said you should give away all your colored clothing while mourning a death.  I don't believe any of that stuff, but just don't wear white after Labor Day.
5. Black Cats:  Seems I just wrote of about black cats recently.  It was said that at one time witches were the caretakers of cats and that Satan was thrown out of heaven into a blackberry bush, thus the color black is associated with the devil, or Satan, and the notion that black cats are evil.
6. Getting out the wrong side of the bed:  You did know that getting out of bed on the left side has bad consequences?  Said to lead to death and destruction.  That's why hotel designers arrange guest rooms with the left side of the bed facing the wall.  Did you also know that exiting the bed on the same side you entered will cause your sleep to be disturbed?  Try it some time.
7. Knock on Wood:  Knocking on wood is said to bring good luck.  It was said that trees housed god's and nature's spirits who controlled the seasons.  So, knocking on the trunk of a tree would bring you good luck.  Also, many Christians rub on a wooden cross to offer penance or seek protection.
8. Walking under a ladder:  The Ancient Egyptians believed that a ladder perched against a wall created a sacred triangle ... and to walk underneath it disrupted spiritual energies.  In France convicts used to be forced to walk under a ladder as they walked to the gallows ... their final unlucky act.
9. Breaking a mirror:  I still feel bad when I break a mirror.  Seems your reflection will be trapped in the mirror and stunt your growth.  Could also imprison your soul.  Also said the Jewish families cover mirrors after the death of a loved one so as not to risk the departed soul wandering into the reflection and getting lost on its way to eternity.
10. Jumping the Broom:  Ever hear of this?  The African-American expression means getting married and follows an old custom that the newlyweds literally jump over a broom to prove that one of them is not an evil double.  
11. Rabbit's foot:  I actually had a keychain with a rabbit's foot on it.  Thought it would bring me good luck.  After my second accident I re-thought having the keychain.  Also said that many actors keep a rabbit's foot in their make up box, since make up was at one time applied with a rabbit's foot.  It as a performer's good-luck charm.
12. Sneezing:  Don't you say "God Bless You" after someone sneezes?  It was believed that a sneeze would expel your soul from your body, so you wanted to make sure that God would bless your soul.  And then in the plague years in Europe it was a grave omen to sneeze, thus the expression "nothing to sneeze at."  Had to do with spreading communicable diseases.  I do like the idea that Jerry Seinfeld had when he said you should say "You're so good looking" when someone sneezed.
13. And, the final superstition is ... the #13.

Believe any of this baloney?  I do!  Pretty creepy if you don't.  I feel sorry for you if you don't believe some of these.  YOU'LL BE SORRY!  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.

The "Extraordinary Ages Of Ordinary People" Story

It was an ordinary day.  Reading about a woman by the name of Jeanne Calment who was born in 1875 in Arles, France.  Nothing special about that fact except as I read on I found she died in 1997.  Now if you care to figure that out for yourself you will find that she lived to be 122 years old.  She is the oldest person to have ever lived!  How much longer do you expect to live?  I realize that how many more years depends upon the age that you are today.  But, as I read on I found that my three grandchildren who are 12, 13 and 15 years of age at present have a 50-50 chance to live to be over 100 years old.  Also read that someone alive today will be the first person to reach the age of 150 years old!!  Could it be you?  If you are as old as I am that's not going to happen, but perhaps one of my grandchildren or someone who is a toddler may still be alive in 2150.  So, the younger generations need to begin to prepare to live to be over 100 or even 150.  My wife and I will celebrate our 50th Wedding Anniversary this month and I'm not so sure we'll make it to our 75th Anniversary, but that may be a common occurrence in the future.  Then again, maybe people won't get married until they are in their 50s and have children until they are in their 60s.  Hey, you heard it here for the first time I'll bet.  The current and future generations will have to begin to come up with a new mindset around aging and solutions to help them live longer.  What's going to happen when we have conquered cancer?  My wife recently told me about a pill that you take that will prevent uterine cancer.  If there had been a pill to take to prevent prostate cancer I certainly would have taken it and saved myself the worry and rehab from my recent bout with the disease.  And, will you have to work until you are 100 before you will be able to claim Medicare benefits and Social Security?  

In the United States today the fastest growing age group are those who are over 85 years of age.  And, the second fastest growing age group are those who are 100 and over.  Every day when I grab the morning paper I check out the obituaries to see if I recognize any names or photographs.  Then I check the ages of those who have died.  I know its rather morbid that I do that, but hey, I have to see whom to cross off my Christmas card list and I'm sure you'll do it to when you're 70 or older.  In another 20 years I'll bet people won't be checking out the obit page until they are 80 or more.  Now, there are three areas that need to be addressed before everyone will live to be 150.  First, they'll have to stop eating the same things they eat today.  The fast food is going to have to go as well as the soda and sweets.  Everyone is going to have to have a Fitbit that will shock them senseless if the so much as think about eating something with sugar in it.  And, clothes companies will no longer be making anything larger than extra-large size so you'll have to stop eating or wear a towel.  It won't be uncommon to work until you are 95 years old and you're going to have to do a better job of managing your money during your younger years (50-90).  And people are going to have to realize that living to be 150 isn't unusual.  Everyone will have to get rid of the outdated ideas about aging and create some new solutions to help the aging process.  Products that are made to last a lifetime will have to be made better.  A better way to grow food supplies will have to be devised since there will be less land on which to grow it since all the extra people will take up more space.  Can you imagine transportation in the future.  Many seniors today are beginning to lose their driving skills and these people will be what is considered middle-age in the near future.  Heavens, I'm getting more scared as I think of all the things that are going to have to be changed.  My poor grandchildren!!  I'm sitting here by my computer thinking what they may be sitting in front of 100 years from now.  I can't even imagine it!!  So ... good luck to all of you with the aging problem.  I''ll have checked out long before 2150!  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy. 

The "A Father's Unbearable Grief" Story

It was an ordinary day.  Struggling with my thoughts today as I write this story.  This past Thursday I wrote a story of a young man who took his own life while in prison for the murder of three people; his best friend and his best friend's parents.  Throughout this terrible tale which began on May 12, 2007, I often thought about the parents and siblings of the boy who committed the crime, Alec Kreider.  I can remember Alec from his time in the Manheim Township Middle School and even though I never experienced him as a student, I do remember him from photographs I took of him for the school yearbook.  But, I never got to know the parents of Alec.  I'm sure they were just like myself and my wife in that they wanted the best for their son as he grew from childhood to become an adult.  But, in this case that didn't happen.  I feel sorrow for not only the boy but his parents.  He confided in his father about a month after the murders that he was the one who had committed them.  How awful his father must have felt.  I still get chills and tears in my eyes just thinking about it.  And, to have to turn your own son into the police ... well, I'm not sure I could have done that.  But, his father Tim did the absolute right thing.  I'm sure he has thought about that every single day of his life since that fateful day of June 16th, 2007 when he told the authorities about his son.  The few days that elapsed from the time his son told him until the day he talked to the police must have been unbearable, just as that month was for Alec when he told no one of his terrible deed.  Well, today I got to visit the internet site titled "Refuse To Drown" and read the father's heart-wrenching story which led from the day his son told him of the murders till the day he was notified of Alec's death.  The Blog post tells the story of a young, troubled boy who loved animals and enjoyed spending time with his family.  What follows is the text that Tim wrote in his blog.  Tim's website: "Refuse To Drown- A Father's Unthinkable Choice" can be found at: www.refusetodrown.com and you may care to visit it.  Tim has co-authored a book about his experiences which no one should have to ever go through.  May both Tim and his son Alec be at peace now!  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.

On January 20, 2017, in a small quiet cell, alone and desperate, the life of my son Alec Kreider came to a tragic end. There are many who will say and believe that he got what he deserved, good riddance or it’s about time.  Alec committed a horrible crime and took so much away from an innocent family and that certainly is part of who Alec was and part of his story.  It simply isn’t the entire story. There was another side to Alec.  He was a loved son, grandson and brother.  He wasn’t always angry, desperate and lost in the wasteland of depression and anger.  He was a beautiful baby boy born with ears too big for his head and eyes that didn’t quite work right.  But he was still beautiful to us. Eventually, he grew into his ears and after a couple surgeries and eye glasses he learned to deal with his eyes.  He became a small child with a huge grin, big dimples and bright eyes behind those eye glasses.  He loved to play with legos and his nerf guns.  He played in the snow, ran in our yard and road in his big foot truck.  He was an innocent child simply enjoying life.  Like almost all small children, he was scared of the dark and “monsters” under his bed and would wake me to tell me he had a bad dream.  He loved animals and would curl up on the floor with our family dog or chase him around the house.  One time when our kids wanted to watch a “scary” movie, we rented The Creature from the Black Lagoon.  Alec was maybe 10 or so and after the movie I asked him if he thought it was scary.  He said not but when I went upstairs to tuck him in, every light in every room in the house was on. I guess it was a little scary.  He had a bright and quick mind, which at times made him a challenge.  He wasn’t one to take “because I said so” as a good enough reason to do something.  He was determined and strong willed.  Attributes that should have served him well in life.  There were so many hopes and dreams for his future and the life he would have.  The possibilities seemed endless.  As he grew older he became a handsome young man who valued honesty and integrity and he simply didn’t understand why so many things in the world were so messed up.  He so wanted things to be better and different.  One of my fondest memories is when we watched a John Pinette video together.  John Pinette was a comedian and Alec, his younger brother and I watched and laughed so hard our sides hurt.  They were big belly laughs, we were, at that time, happy, enjoying life and for the moment free of any worries or concerns.  Unfortunately, somewhere along the journey, a darkness fell over Alec. It was something he struggled with every day.  All he wanted was for the pain, hurt and anger to end.  He tried so hard but yet the darkness would not leave him.  The bright eyes of his early childhood became dim and darker.  That small child with the big dimples and the joy for life was lost deep inside the anger and desperation he felt.  He was not the “monster” so many want to simply right him off as.  He did something monstrous, but that is only part of Alec.  To label him as such and not make an effort to understand the deeper story is the easy way to discard him and his life.  Alec loved and wanted to be loved.  Alec desperately wanted his life to be different.  He had hopes and dreams for his life and future and they were lost to the darkness and where it led him.  He was hurting and unable to conquer the inexplicable darkness that was a constant part of his every day.   He didn’t understand or know why he felt the way he did and why, no matter what he did, no matter how much he wanted to, no matter how hard he tried, he wasn’t able to overcome the darkness and anger.  Alec wanted, with all of his being, for his life to be different, to be free of the torment he endured and had lived with for so long.   I encouraged him constantly to not give up, to keep trying, to believe that things could and would get better.  Some days he was hopeful and other days he was hopeless.  Unfortunately, the hopelessness proved to be too much to endure.  Alec was my son, his life did matter, he was loved and he will be missed.  May he finally rest and be at peace.