It was an ordinary day. Our kids and grandkids have all left and Carol and I are exhausted. We had mom's funeral and interment today. I wrote yesterday about learning of mom's death shortly after arriving home from vacation and today's story will tell you about the celebration of mom's life and what a great time we had celebrating it. I realize it may be long, but so was her life and it requires the lengthy story to do her life justice. For days after mom's death, I made plans and arrangements for the funeral and the interment in the Memorial Garden of St. James Episcopal Church in center-city Lancaster. If it hadn't been for Lisa Groff from "The Groffs Family Funeral Services" in Lancaster, I would have been totally lost. I know, it's her job, but she did much more than I expected her to do. Carol and I met with Lisa the evening of mom's death in the living room or our home. We sat down and she immediately pulled out the obit that was to be in the paper. She had already written it for us based on information that we gave her when we pre-planned for mom's funeral. At that time we gave Lisa information on mom, with my mother's help. That way mom would be able to make sure of what was being said about her. I got a photo for Lisa and we then talked about the service. I had decided to have the service at Moravian Manor where she was a resident instead of at our church. Her friends were her constant companions at the home so it was a natural choice. We would have the interment at the church. The presiding minister at the retirement home would be mom's favorite, Pastor Rich, who was the Chaplain at Moravian Manor. Mom attended church every Sunday afternoon at the home and just loved Pastor Rich. Lisa, Carol and I continued with making arrangments for remembrance leaflets at the door, flowers for the front of the chapel, seating in the chapel, time for the service, time for the interment, ...... I'm sure you get the idea about all that needs to be done. The next day I met with Rich and we went over the service. I eventually gave him a copy of my dad's service and we used most of the same hymns and prayers. There would be time for reflection by anyone who cared to stand and talk about mom. Well, that's where I looked at Rich and told him how worried I was that no one would stand to talk. So, I told him I would speak first. We made arrangments for a lunch after the service in the dining room at Moravian Manor. Planned for 50 people at the service and maybe 40 for lunch. You have to remember that mom was 90 and quite a few, no make that almost all, of her friends were already dead. The day before the service I sat down and wrote my "memories" of my mom to share with others. I didn't want them to be sorrowful, since she wasn't that type of person. She was very upbeat so I took her lead and made my remarks the same. Then I shared them with Carol and when I was done she was laughing. "That's exactly your mom," she said. I was set. Wednesday, October 24th, 2012, 10:30 AM and Carol and I and my brother Steve and his wife Kathy were standing at the rear of the chapel greeting friends and family. Actually there were some there when we arrived shortly after 10:00 AM. Wow, did we greet and greet. Close to 70 people showed up. Her friend from childhood, and also 90, came with her daughter. Old neighbors, family, residents and caregivers from Moravian Manor and a few who I didn't recognize. We shook hands, they looked at the display of old and current photos I had gathered and finally sat. The family was ushered to front row seats and Pastor Rich began. Hymn #783 Amazing Grace and my wife was crying. This just isn't going to work for a lively "Life's Celebration" I thought. Then it was time for me to stand, walk to the alter podium and give my comments. Now, I taught school for 35 years, but this is different. I never once cried in front of a class. I put my notes on the podium, grabbed the sides of the podium, looked over the the crowd and said, "I think I could be a minister!" For those who have read my stories for the last three years know that I really am one; an online one. Then I told the story about how I would hold services when I was young in front of my mom and dad. Said prayers, gave a piece of bread and juice and passed the collection plate for some extra money. No one was crying! Especially me. We were celebrating with mom and I was on a roll. Used my notes, but most of the time I ad-libed. I have included my notes at the end that you can read and my remembrance was close to the notes, but with entuhsiasm and heatfelt thanks for my mom. Hey, I was celebrating her life. My daughter told me that while I was talking my 10 year-old granddaughter, who was sitting next to her, tugged on her arm and asked if funerals were always this much fun. I must admit that I didn't get by without crying. When I told them that mom refused to die until I got back from vacation so we could have our last good-byes, it hit me. But, I survived. When I sat down it was time for others and there were many. Mom was a great person and a special lady to everyone in the chapel. And, they told their stories about her. We laughed and we cried. But, it was pure mom!! The service continued on a really up-beat note until ....... Pastor Rich hit the button on the cassette player and played my late father's voice as he sang "The Lord's Prayer." I had given the cassette to Rich and asked if he could find a casette player, listen to it for quality, and play it if he thought it was appropriate. Dad could sing, really sing! He was in so many choirs and singing groups and was usually the soloist. He started in his great baritone voice with "Our Father, ......." and the handkerchiefs and tissues came out. Everywhere! One of my cousins was so touched that she had to leave. A few more prayers and another hymn, and the service was over. We made out way to the dining room for fellowship and lunch with most everyone who was at the service. I promise you, I will never forget mom's "Life Celebration." We celebrated as mom lived. With Gusto!! The afternoon interment in our church's cemetery was equally enlightening. Father David led the service from our baptisimal font to the cemetery where mom's ashes where placed in the opening that had been prepared, a final prayer was said and we all had the chance to place a shovel of dirt in the opening if we wished. A few flowers were cast on the gravesite and we left the cemetery with joy in our hearts knowing that mom had lived a full and wonderful life and was finally where she wanted to be, with God. We will certainly miss her! Love you Mom!! It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy. PS - check tomorrow for some great photos that will show you the life of my mother. The following were my notes for my remembrance of my mom.
My brother Steve and I want to thank everyone for coming today to celebrate the life of our mother. She lived a long and happy life and I have a couple of tales to pass along to you to let you know how Steve and I pictured the woman that you all knew as Grandma, GG, Aunt, Dorothea and Dottie.
Mom would often tell the story about how her group of girlfriends all liked my dad. He dated one after another and then finally she was the only one left. They married in 1942.
Mom, dad, Steve and I vacationed every summer along the Chesapeake, first at Crystal Beach with my Aunt Lillian and cousins Judy and George, and then along the Elk River at my Aunt Doris’ cottage. Mom allowed Steve and me to bring a friend each year until the year when Steve and his friend swam out in the middle of the night to the ski jump and hung our cousin and her friend’s underwear on the flagpole.
Mom’s dad, Grandpap to me, would pick me up at our house which was on the last block of North Queen St. near the train station and take me a few times every summer to Roots sale in East Petersburg. We would visit the animal auction and he always bought something for me. One year it was a box of pigeons that we brought home and someone, perhaps mom, didn’t close the box properly and they flew away except for one that had a broken wing. Mom helped me put a tongue depressor splint on the wing and then one day I removed the splint and the pigeon flew down the back alley. I chased after it, climbed on a metal gate with a rope to try to lasso it. Fell and broke my arm. Mom rushed me to the emergency room and missed the special anniversary evening my dad had planned for her. But the most memorable purchase my grandpap made was the wooden box of 8 full-grown white rats. Mom hated them. Made me keep them in the basement in the wooden box. One Sunday after church I opened the basement door and saw them running around the floor. Ate right through the box. Mom was screaming and screaming and cursing. Finally caught all of them and dropped them off in the field across from the Lancaster Stock yards.
I can remember when Mom would invite the principal of the elementary school that Steve and I went to for supper. He lived closeby and was a bachelor so she felt he needed a good meal every so often. I guess she was making sure that we made it through grade school.
Mom and dad moved to Janet Ave. when I was in college and Steve was a junior in high school. She just loved her house and the beautiful screened-in porch on the back of the house.
A few other facts about mom:
She made a fantastic chicken pot pie, making her own thick dough. She passed the recipe on to Carol who has now passed it on to our son Derek.
She made a great potato salad that recipe she has passed on to my niece Kelly’s husband Shawn.
She made a tasty chicken corn soup that she got from her dad and which I now make.
And, she made a supper creamed peas and eggs on toast which only I liked.
In her later years she became known as the grandma moses of janet Ave. for her great watercolors and oil paintings. She loved to travel to the Chesapeake Bay on weekends to eat at her favorite,the Bayard House in Chesapeake City.
She loved children and would hold her grandkids for hours. When her grandkids had children she held them for hours. About a month ago my niece Kelly picked her up and took her to her house so she could spend the day holding Kelly’s youngest.
At Moravian Manor she was a proud member of the Golden Girls, three ladies who others said looked like the trio on TV known by the same name. She prided herself in being able to go to the Cafe every day with Helen and Dolly for an afternoon Coke and maybe sit outside on warm days. I can’t say enough about the friendships and treatment she received as a member of the Moravian Manor Community. Thanks to all who live here and work here. You were her family.
Carol and I last saw and spoke to mom the day before she died and one of the last things she said to us was she could really use a coke. We’re all going to miss her. Love You mom.
