The "Remembering One Of Lancaster's Greatest Baseball Players" Story

It was an ordinary day.  Opened the front door and grabbed my newspaper from the floor mat.  The front page headline read "REMEMBERING OUR STAR."  The sub-head read "Lancaster County native and baseball Hall of Fame dies at 69."  Oh, how I remember the baseball player who had recently died from cancer...Bruce Sutter.  Bruce was a six-time All-Star who led the National League in saves for five years and won the 1979 Cy Young Award.  He also posted 300 saves in a 12-year career with the Chicago Cubs, St Louis Cardinals and Atlanta Braves.  He was from baseball's time frame when relief pitchers, or closers as they were known, pitched more than three outs like they do in today's game.  I can still remember when the Cardinals traded for Sutter prior to the 1981 season and his arrival in St. Louis solidified the team's bullpen.  The following year he recorded 36 saves and closed out Game 7 of the World Series to win it for the Cardinals.  

The final pitch was a fastball that blew by Milwaukee Brewers slugger Gorman Thomas and Bruce thrust his right arm triumphantly in the air before his teammates mobbed him near the mound.  Every kid who has ever picked up a baseball has had dreams of doing the exact same thing sometime in their life.  Bruce was able to live his dream!  Bruce was born in Lancaster, Pennsylvana, pitched and graduated from Donegal High School in 1968 and was drafted by the Washington Senators in the 21st round in 1970.  He was only 17 at the time and was too young to sign.  After a brief stint at Old Dominion, he returned home and began pitching for the semi-pro Hippey's Raiders in the Lebanon Valley League when a Cubs scout spotted him.  He pitched two games for the Cubs in the rookie Gulf Coast league in 1972 before hurting his right elbow while trying to learn how to throw a slider.  He never told them about his injury and scheduled his own surgery and used his bonus money to pay for the operation.  The operation took some of the zip off his fastball so the Cubs pitching instructor taught Bruce the split-finger fastball which eventually brought fame and fortune to Bruce.  Bruce could make the ball do amazing things.

His big hands and long fingers made him a perfect candidate for the split-finger.  The Cardinals traded for Sutter in 1980 and two years later he recorded 36 saves and closed out Game 7 of the World Series.  Images of his final pitch are an iconic part of Cardinals history.  Sutter fired a split finger past Milwaukee Brewers slugger Gorman Thomas and thrust his right arm triumphantly in the air before his teammates mobbed him near the mound.  Sutter's #42 shirt is retired by the Cardinals and his likeness is painted on Busch Stadium's left-field wall.  After four seasons with the Cardinals he signed with the Atlanta Braves.  He recorded his final save  in 1988 for Atlanta.  Bruce was on the Hall-of-Fame ballot for 18 years before he was selected by baseball writers to the Hall of Fame.  When he was enshrined at Cooperstown 16 years ago, green baseball caps were seen throughout the crowd.  These were the hats of the Donegal baseball players who had played high school baseball with Bruce.  Now, after five decades of being away from his home town, he is still considered a baseball legend.  Sutter was part of Donegal's first Hall of Fame in 2006 and the 1970 team was honored three years ago.  He also played quarterback for the football team and forward for the basketball team.  He led the 1969 basketball team to the District III title.  He had a competitive spirit and a signature pitch that steered him toward baseball immortality.  RIP Bruce!  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy. 

The, "Well, The Move Has Ended" Story

It was another ordinary day.  Saturday...and the move has just about ended.  Carol and I have moved from our beautiful home of 29 years in Manheim Township to our new home, a villa at Woodcrest Villa which is a retirement community to the West of Manheim Township in Hempfield Township.  We have been thinking about moving for quite some time since I am struggling to keep the lawn moved, leaves raked, snow shoveled, painting done, etc, etc., etc.  I know....I can hire someone to do all that for me, which I had been doing for some time.  But, it was getting too costly to pay someone to do all that I couldn't do.  So my wife and I talked it over and decided to move with our two cats to a retirement home in Lancaster County.  We looked at close to half-a-dozrn before deciding upon Woodcrest Villa.  One factor was that we knew quite a few people who already live at Woodcrest and they have nothing but good comments about the place.  Plus, both of our sons live less than 10 minutes from Woodcrest just in case we might need them.  So, we went for a visit and decided it was the place for us.    We looked at a few of the models they had and decided upon a villa rather than an apartment so that we would have a garage.  Began packing close to six months ago and made the change on October 12.  Hired a moving company for all the big furniture pieces and moved the rest with the help of our children and spouses.  Also asked Carol's good friend Debbie to keep our two cats with her for a week or so while we organize our new home.  It's been a few days since we have moved and have begun to unpack everything we had packed a week or so ago.  We had to take our wall TV off the wall and bring it with us which has been placed back on the wall in our new home.  Our children helped unpack all the items they had helped pack and have begun to help with arranging the furniture in our new home.  So far we have hung about a dozen pieces of artwork with another couple dozen or so waiting to be hung.  Being that we only have two bedrooms, we have made one into not only a guest bedroom, but an office where I have my computer.  As of now, that is the room that holds the dozens of artwork pieces to be hung.  Our cats have now returned and enjoy sitting on the windowsills looking at the residents walking past our villa.  Well....time to get back to work finishing the decorating.  I'll post some photos when all is in place!  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.   

The "Bring Back The Beautiful Monarch Butterfly" Story

It was an ordinary day.  Reading about the new classification that has been given to the Monarch Butterfly.  They have officially been classified as an endangered species.  Recently they have begun a migration of millions from as far north as Canada to wintering grounds in the mountains of Mexico, a journey of up to 3,000 miles for many of the beautiful butterflies.  They have suffered from habitat depletion in general and the loss of wild milkweed in particular.  Populations have shrunk between 22% and 72% over the last decade, according to the International Union for Conservation of Nature Red List.  This year's migration comes after a summer when members of local Facebook groups reported they were seeing fewer monarchs.  

The beautiful Monarch Butterfly

The International Union for Conservation of Nature Red List of Threatened Species numbers 147,517 species including 41,459 that are threatened with extinction.  The latest update adds the migratory monarch butterfly, a subspecies of the monarch, to that threatened list.  Pesticides and herbicides kill butterflies and milkweed, the host plant that the larvae of the monarch butterfly feed on.  Drought related to climate change limits the growth of milkweed and increases the frequency of catastrophic wildfires, and temperature extremes trigger earlier migrations before milkweed is available, while severe weather has killed millions of butterflies.  Possible remedies are planting native milkweed, reducing pesticide and protecting the overwintering sites.  In order to preserve the rich diversity of nature,  we need effective, fairly governed, protected and conserved areas alongside decisive action to tackle climate change and restore ecosystems.  In turn, conserving biodiversity supports community by providing essential services such as food, water and sustainable jobs.  For years I have loved taking photographs of the beautiful monarch butterfly.  It's beautiful orange and black colors with a touch of white on the wings makes the insect a wonder of nature.  But, without diligent conservation, it may one day be gone from this earth forever.  Perhaps not in my lifetime, but I hate to think that my grandchildren and their children will never get to see the beautiful Monarch.  Here's hoping that everyone can help preserve the feeding grounds of the Monarch and it will return to it's majestic glory.  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.   

The "Baseball Memories Story"

It was an ordinary day.  Just picked up the "Parade Magazine" supplement that arrived with my Sunday News.  There on the cover was my all-time favorite baseball player...Willie Mays! I followed him from when he entered Major League baseball for the New York Giants to the San Francisco Giants  until he retired from the sport while playing for the New York Mets.   My childhood friend Bill, who lived a few doors away from me when we were in grade school, always loved the New York Yankees and Micky Mantle.  We spent many a day arguing about who was the better ball player.  Well, hardball and history go together like hot dogs and mustard, and my story today will lead you on a very condensed version of that history.  My story begins with a bit about Stan "The Man" Musial.  In the 1940s MVP Stan led the St Louis Cardinals to three World Series wins, even while taking a year off to serve in World War II.  Then in May of 1948, a pitcher named Hal Newhouser shuffled through five seasons in Detroit before breaking out with 29 wins in 1944.  He won 25 games the following year and two in that year's World Series while helping the Tigers beat the Cubs.  He entered the Hall of Fame in 1992.  On May 21, 1950 a photograph on the cover of "Parade" featured Ted Williams and Vern Stephens as potential Ruth killers, but it wasn't until 11 years later that Roger Maris eclipsed the Bambino's single-season record of 60 big flies.  At century's end Sammy Sosa and Mark McGuire beat them both with help from "Flintstone vitamins," according to Sosa.  Barry Bonds set the all-time record with 73 (and a steroid shadow) in 2001.  Another "Parade" cover in the Spring of 1975 featured Henry Louis Aaron, otherwise known as Hammerin' Hank who flagged down a Milwaukee Brewers photographer for a ride back to the Brewers' hotel.  Guy' name was Ron Modra who later captured a classic photo for Sports Illustrated of his hometown hero Aaron with Yankee great Mickey Mantle.  An August 27, 1972 featured a story on baseball players' wives.  One story featured Nancy and Tom Seaver with their daughter Sarah.  The Miracle Mets had recently won the World Series with Tom on the mound and evidently Sarah was the MVP.  Said Nancy: "Pitching coach Rube Walker told me that Sarah is Tom's good-luck charm, and he won't let me in the stadium unless I bring her."  A July 11, 1999 issue featured a cover that read "on D-Day, I was firing rockets" Yankees catcher and coach Yogi Berra  reported.  He said, "When you come to a fork in the road, take it."  Which is why Parade scribe James Brady was shocked to learn of Berra's heroic mission just off Omaha Beach, pounding Germans from a rocket boat.  That might make catching a perfect game in the World Series, which Yogi did in 1956, with Don Larsen on the mound, seem like a normal day at the beach.  Well...I have given you a brief story of the articles that were part of a story titled "Baseball Memories."   I didn't give you all the stories that were featured, but you can read them for yourself if you can find the Sunday, October 9, 2022 copy of Parade.  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.

The "Trying To Boost My Brain Health" Story

It was an ordinary day.  Wearing my facial mask that I have worn for what seems like a lifetime in order to keep out the COVID virus.  But, this time I have a rather unusual reason for wearing the mask.  My wife has placed a piece of rosemary inside the mask to see if I can stand inhaling the odor of the rosemary branch.  As I have aged, I have noticed that I have more trouble remembering things that I had no trouble with 10 or maybe even 5 years ago.  Where did I put the evening paper?  Where did I put my cell phone?  Where is my spinal cord stimulator?  How about my car keys?  What do you do to help bring back you memory?  Is there a magic potion or pill that I can swallow that will help me remember better?  Wouldn't that be fantastic?  If I can come up with something I would be a millionaire in no time.  Well, the more I read, the more people are offering remedies for forgetfulness.  But, do they work?  I'm not so sure I believe half the stuff I read...or even any of the stuff I read about what to do to help me remember the things I used to be able to remember.  So, my dear wife has read that Rosemary is known to boost brain health.  If you are not familiar with the herb, Rosemary is a staple in many favorite fall recipes.  The evergreen shrub, which originated in the Mediterranean and sub-Himalayan regions, is used in cooking all over the world.  It can be used fresh or dried and often used as a tea.  In folk medicine, it was commonly used as an herbal remedy for ailments like headaches, depression and mental and physical fatigue.  Studies have found that rosemary and its compounds have a wide range of medicinal properties such as anti-inflammatory and neuroprotective.  And, trials on mice show that rosemary compounds can produce a significant antidepressant effect.  And for those looking for a memory boost, such as me, well...I'm hoping the rosemary that Carol placed in my Covid mask, so I can inhale it for a few hours, might help.  I guess only time will tell!  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.

The "A Verboten Gardening Tool" Story

It was an ordinary day.  Looking for a place to buy a few gardening tools online.  Came across a site that listed the 12 essential garden tools for the beginner.  Not sure I would be classified a beginner being that I am probably older than all of the dozen tools listed on the site.  Tools listed were gloves, pruning shears, loppers (long handled pruners), garden fork, hand trowel, spade, rake, hoe, garden hose with adjustable nozzle, watering wand, watering can and a wheelbarrow.  Sounded pretty simple to me.  I checked what I already had and made a list of the rest and began my online search for what I was missing. But, during my search I also came across an Associated Press story written by Barbara Ortutay titled "Facebook trouble for gardening group."  Began to read the story and found it rather humorous, yet it probably wasn't meant to be.  Story told of a western New York gardening group who tried to help the readers of their Facebook Page with any gardening problems they may have such as an infestation of woolly bugs, plants that don't like inclement weather and what to do about novices that insist on using dish detergent on their plants.  Oh yeah...there is one more problem!  Seems that when they try and help someone by telling them they should use a hoe in their garden, "Facebook" will flag that particular tool since that word violates community standards.  Perhaps by now you may have figured out what I am writing about.  

The hoe is a gardening tool.

As a gardening tool, a "hoe" is a sturdy, wide tool that is useful in preparing garden and flower beds and cutting down weeds.  I have included a photograph of one for you to view, if you haven't ever seen one before or might have forgotten what they look like.  Well, it seems that Facebook's automatic system has certain words that it flags as being offensive and will delete them.  Tough for a gardening site to try and explain about a tool if they can't even give it a name.  And, being that we have just been through quite a long period of time being in quarantine with many people taking up gardening, trying to explain what a "hoe" is used for while not being able to type the word "hoe" in the response is a definite problem for the gardening group.  Well, Facebook said that when a gardening group member responds to a question online about what is...and how do you use a hoe, well they claim using the word goes against their standards for harassment and bullying.  Well, it seems that the artificial intelligence programs of Facebook noticed it was against the rules programed into it and deleted the word "hoe".   The gardening group evidently asked Facebook why they did that and Facebook in turn read what was being questioned and notified the Facebook group that they have corrected the problem for their Facebook site.  They realized that on a gardening site that a hoe is a gardening tool.  I assume by now in my story that you realize that to many people a "hoe" is the same as a "whore" and thus would be flagged by Facebook.  And, if you still don't know what I am talking about...Google "whore' and if you still don't know what it means...well, forget it and read another one of my stories!  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.     

The "Hey! The Phillies Are Still In It! Story!

 It was an ordinary day.  Waiting for game number 2 of the National League Wild Card Series to end.  Not used to staying up past 11:00 pm, but there was no way I could miss the end of this game.  One of the Phillies best pitchers this year, and one of my favorite pitchers on the Phillies, Aaron Nola, was mowing them down.  The Wild Card Series games were played in St. Louis to determine which team would progress in the multi-tiered playoffs.  The first level was the best of 3 games which would place the winner of that level into the next level which in turn would take them to the World Series.  Hey! You don't think they would just take the teams with the best records, one each from the National and American Leagues, and play the World Series, as they used to do for many years.  They have to have Wild Card Series which lead to the the next level which eventually leads to the World Series.  Perhaps I missed one of the levels, but you can see that it no longer is like it was when I was a young boy who followed the Phillies!  Back then if you were the best team in the National League and the best team in the American League after regulation league play, you would play in the World Series.  Now you have to win the Wild Card Series, which is the best of three games, to play in the National League Division Series which eventually will lead you into the World Series.  I'm glad that there are so many levels to reach the top this year or my Phillies would have been eliminated a week ago.  Well, my wife Carol and I watched the second game in the best of three Wild Card Series which had the Phils playing the St. Louis Cardinals who had a better record than the Phils.  Didn't matter since the Phils won game one and needed one more win to advance to the next level.  Well, game 2 began and before long Bryce Harper, the Phils DH (designated hitter...which means he only has to bat and not play defense, hit a 435-foot home run.  You know how far that is???  He most certainly was due for a hit such as that in my eyes, but that's another story for another day.  The HR was all the Phillies needed since one of their best pitchers, Aaron Nola, held the Cardinals in check for most of the game with his variety of pitches he offered them.  11:00 pm arrived and the game still hadn't been decided, so Carol and I decided to stay up a bit longer to see if the Phils would score a few more runs.  Eventually the Phils scored another run and by 11: 30 I was able to turn off the TV and close my eyes.  The Phils had won the game and advanced to the next level.  Can hardly wait until Tuesday when they will play the Atlanta Braves in Atlanta to decide whom will move on to the next level.  Eventually the World Series will begin on Friday, October 28....and end by Saturday, November 5.  Just hope it doesn't snow in Philadelphia by that time if they make the World Series.  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.  

The "Does Anyone Remember When Howard Johnson's Was A Popular Lancaster Restaurant ? Story

It was an ordinary day.  Scouring a few of my favorite websites when I came across a story that was posted on "The Lancastrian" which is a site devoted to those that like to read and post stories devoted to the town of Lancaster, Pennsylvania.  One of my favorite writers who posts quite often on the site is John Earl Hambright.  He recently posted a story he had written titled "Does Anyone Remember When Howard Johnson's Was A Popular Lancaster Restaurant?  I enjoyed his story so much that I asked him for permission to post it on my blog for you to read.  I have included his entire story for you to read.  I'm sure you will enjoy it just as I did.  Please read on.....

It opened in 1940, only five years after the chain began. But already Howard Johnson was – as their signs long boasted – sweeping the nation.

By legend clam shack owner Howard Johnson owed his success to one of America’s foremost playwrights. Eugene O’Neill’s experimental drama STRANGE INTERLUDE previewed in the seaside city of Quincy, Massachusetts, south of Boston. O’Neill’s play ran so long the producers cut the play in two and staged the first half in the afternoon and the second in the evening.

During the dinner hour intermission playgoers streamed out of the Quincy theater and across the street to young Howard Johnson’s humble eatery which featured, in addition to fried clams, a remarkable line of ice creams.

O’Neill’s drama might have been a lengthy trial with an indecisive verdict but there was no argument about Howard Johnson’s fried clams, hot dogs and ice cream. Word-of-mouth quickly made them a must-try for folks from throughout New England.

In 1935 Mr. Johnson opened a second restaurant on Cape Cod and a second American Revolution broke out. In just four years his chain had expanded to well over a hundred Howard Johnson’s located in every New England state but Vermont as well as seven other states.

Overnight the popular chain transformed dining-out in the USA. With their bright orange roofs and beacon-light cupolas instantly recognizable along the most-traveled stretches of the country’s busiest highways – including our own – Howard Johnson’s offered an unvarying menu of familiar fare – the same formula that would one day build McDonald’s and dozens of other roadside fast-food empires.

Howard Johnson would never have called his fare fast-food, but – in addition to his store’s signature Mt Vernon look – he pioneered another trade secret copied by all his successors. The basics are prepared in central kitchens and shipped out to store destinations – always in unmarked trucks. You don’t want the public to think their happy meals are cooked in any place but right where they’re dining.

Lancaster’s Howard Johnson (see photo below) on the Lincoln Highway East was owned by a franchisee named Lattomus. As car ownership quickly took off after World War Two, the Route 30 E. location drew increasing crowds of Lancastrians who cheerfully lined up for the chain’s popular fried clam strips, hot dogs in square-cut buns, brown bread and Boston baked beans.

More challenging for ice-cream loving Lancastrians was the chain’s celebrated line of 28 flavors.

Did any of you ever try all 28?

I’m betting more than one of you did – at least as long as they lasted. Did they survive the restaurant's name change to Dutch Grill?

In my experience, the peak for Lancaster’s Howard Johnson’s restaurant came on a night in April 1957 after I’d made the Pennsylvania finals in a schoolboy speech contest. Even though I had come in only second, The Lancaster Toastmasters Club invited me to recite my piece at their monthly meeting in the handsomely appointed banquet room; and the group’s president – my McCaskey band-mate Phil Gabriel’s Dad – gifted me with a ticket to accompany French-horn playing Phil to an upcoming concert at the high school by Arthur Fiedler and the Boston Pops.

That’s my last memory of the Howard Johnson restaurant on Route 30 East. Soon after apparently, it got swept up in the rising tide of cuteness and kitch engulfing so many fertile Lancaster County acres and emerged as "The Dutch." Gone were the clams -- and the 28 flavors of ice cream.

As for Howard Johnson -- after phenomenal success with stand-alone restaurants in the 1940s and 1950s – the company made the fateful decision to follow Holiday Inns into the booming motel business.

Lancaster’s franchise unveiled its makeover plans in 1963 and by 1966 a Howard Johnson’s Motor Inn was up and running in the heart of Tourist Alley East -- only to falter and fade nationally when the 1970s gas crisis put the pinch on car travel.

Remember a contest in the Jimmy Carter years to re-name the brand? HO-JO’s, they tried with only middling success.

But who were the Mad Men who thought up THE GROUND ROUND?

I mean, where’s the ice cream in that?

PHOTO: Orange roof gone and so is the sign promising 28 flavors now sweeping the nation, but the cupola still shouts HO-JO, to the Bel-Airs and Fairlanes at the end of the '50s. Happy days.

Hope you enjoyed John's story as much as I did.  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.

The "Dedicaton Of 1896 Stained Glass Window" Story

It was an ordinary day.  Reading in the FAITH & VALUES section of my local newspaper about the installation of the 26th and final stained glass window in Bel Air, Maryland's Emmanuel Church.  

The church was built in 1896 and since there was no electricity at the time, the original windows of the church were made of yellow glass to bring in as much light as possible.  Once the church had electricity, churchgoers were invited to buy stained-glass windows to replace the original ones.  24 windows, all from the Associated Crafts & Willet Hauser Studio, originally based in Pennsylvania, were installed, beginning in the 1930s.  They all depicted Jesus and the things he did and the progression of His life.  The 24th and final window was finally finished and installed this past July and depicted the prophet Isaiah in the Temple of Jerusalem.  The gradual pace of the project was due to the fact that windows were installed at the rate at which people purchased them; whether they were dedicated to a loved one or to honor an event.  The average cost of a window is about $28,000.  The stained glass windows contribute to a "multisensory experience of worship."  The final window is dedicated to Dorothy and Robert Scharmann and their names appear on the base of the window.

Current rector, Rev. Canon Mark Gatza says it has been an incredible journey finishing the 24 windows.  Rev. Gatza said, "One of the gifts that we try to give back to Bel Air is a quiet, beautiful place in which to worship in the middle of town to sort of meditate, pray, and get away from the noise of the town.  Most of the windows were dedicated to a loved one or to honor an event.  The final window, as well as the previous three windows that were finished in 2019 will be consecrated in December by The Rev. Eugene Sutton, bishop of the Episcopal Diocese of Maryland.  The final photograph shows one of the stained glass windows of the church.  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.

The Rev. Eugene Sutton

 

The "Funny Quotes For Everyone" Story

It was an ordinary day.  Clicking on the many blue envelopes I have on my desktop, trying to remember what each box might have hidden in it, since I often find something while "surfing" and decide to save it for use in the future.  Well, while trying to decide what to write for today's entry to my blog, I began to check out all the blue boxes in case one might be interesting enough to post today.  I found one that probably could have been used for a few days in a row, but I decided to used the entire post today.  May take you a bit longer to get through, but I found most of the "Funny Quotes" funny enough that I should put them all in one post for you to read.  Hope you enjoy them!  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.

Funny quotes for everybody!

1. “My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” —Socrates

2. “If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.” —Aldo Cammarota

3. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell

4. “Never criticize your spouse’s faults; if it weren’t for them, your mate might have found someone better than you.” —Jay Trachman

5. “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” —Phyllis Diller

6. “Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.” —Rod Stewart

7. “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” —Jim Carrey

8. “Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” —Paula Poundstone

9. “A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.” —Dave Barry

10. “Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.” —Dennis Miller

11. “When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” —Rodney Dangerfield

12. “If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them.” —Reese Witherspoon

13. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no, you’re going to get it anyway.”—Erma Bombeck

14. “Kids are expensive.  I didn’t even realize how broke I was until last year someone stole my identity and it ruined her life.”—Kate Davis

15. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller

16. “It seems I have spent a lifetime of mouthing mechanically, ‘Say thank you. Sit up straight. Use your napkin. Close your mouth when you chew. Don’t lean back in your chair.’ Just when I finally got my husband squared away, the kids came along.” —Erma Bombeck

17. “There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.” —Jerry Seinfeld

18. “There are two classes of travel—first class and with children.”—Robert Benchley

19. “Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.” —George Burns

20. “When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.” —Nora Ephron

21. “A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley

22. “If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.” —Andrew A. Rooney

23. “If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.” —Phil Pastoret

24. “The cat could very well be man’s best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.” —Doug Larson

25. “Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” —Jeff Valdez

26. “In order to maintain a well­-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him.” —Peterborough Examiner, Canada

27. “Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.” —Anonymous

28. “Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.” —Anonymous

29. “The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they’re okay, then it’s you.” —Rita Mae Brown

30. “The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.” —Mark Twain

31. “Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”—Oscar Wilde

32. “The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.” —G.K. Chesterton

33. “If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.” —George Carlin

34. “If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.” —Dorothy Parker

35. “Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.” —Addison H. Hallock

36. “Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. It’s cheaper.” —Quentin Crisp

37. “People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.”—Joan Rivers

38. “Anybody who tells you money can’t buy happiness never had any.” —Samuel L. Jackson

39. “Misers are no fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.” —Tom Snyder

40. “Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.” —Robert Benchley

41. “I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” —Jerome K. Jerome

42. “Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you’re finished.” —Leslie Nielsen

43. “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” —Edgar Bergen

44. “Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” —Mark Twain

45. “All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.” —Steve Martin, in the film Sgt. Bilko.

46. “A college education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.” —William Lowe Bryan

47. “In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.” —Fran Lebowitz

48. “True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.” —Kurt Vonnegut

49. “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball

50. “You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur

51. “By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns

52. “You can’t believe everything you hear—but you can repeat it.” —Anonymous

53. “A gossip is a person who creates the smoke in which other people assume there’s fire.” —Dan Bennett

54. “The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.” —Oscar Wilde

55. “If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.” —Judith Martin

56. “It’s so much easier to suggest solutions when you don’t know too much about the problem.” —Malcolm Forbes

57. “Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain—and most do.” —Dale Carnegie

58. “People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.” —Mike Bechtle

59. “Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!” —Charlie Brown 

60. “Keep your temper. Nobody else wants it.” —Dearborn Independent

61. “If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?” —John Cleese

62. “Never eat more than you can lift.” —Miss Piggy

63. “When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, ‘Four. I don’t think I can eat eight.'”—Yogi Berra

64. “Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.” —Dave Barry

65. “I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.” —W.C. Fields

66. “Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” —Ernest Hemingway

67. “All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott

68. “Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox

69. “Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain 

70. “It is useless to try to hold a person to anything he says while he’s madly in love, drunk, or running for office.” —B. Birdsong

71. “The only time some fellows are ever seen with their wives is after they’ve been indicted.” —Kin Hubbard

72. “If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn’t have declared their independence from it.” —Stephen Colbert

73. “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no use being a damn fool about it.” —W.C. Fields

74. “It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.” —Gore Vidal

75. “Thankfully, perseverance is a great substitute for talent.” —Steve Martin

76. “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” —Anonymous

77. “Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.” —Bo Derek

78. “One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.” —Rita Mae Brown

79. “A bore is the kind of man who, when you ask him how he is, he tells you.” —Channing Pollock

80. “She never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of her conversation.” —Jean Webster

81. “He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.”  —Abraham Lincoln

82. “By the time someone says, ‘To make a long story short,’ it’s too late.” —Don Herold

83. “There but for the grace of God, goes God.” —Anonymous, commenting on the film director Orson Welles

84. “He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” —Henry Clapp

85. “The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.” —Lucille S. Harper

86. “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” —Isaac Asimov

87. “An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, ‘So far so good!'” —Anonymous

88. “The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised.” —George Will

89. “The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.” —James Branch Cabell

90. “I’m not offended by blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb…and I also know that I’m not blonde.” —Dolly Parton

91. “We use 10% of our brains. Imagine how much we could accomplish if we used the other 60%.” —Ellen DeGeneres

92.  “My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.” —Billy Connolly

93. “When it doubt, look intelligent.” —Garrison Keillor

94. “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” —Albert Einstein

95. “Think of how stupid the average person is and realize half of them are stupider than that.” —George Carlin

96. “User: the word computer professionals use when they mean ‘idiot.'” —Dave Barry

97. “If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?” —Will Rogers

98. “According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that seem right? That means to the average person, if you have to go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.” —Jerry Seinfeld

99. “I don’t believe in reincarnation, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.” —Shane Richie

100. “Always go to other people’s funerals; otherwise they won’t come to yours.” —Yogi Berra

The "No Need To Worry About Anything While Traveling!" Story

It was an ordinary day.  Talking with my wife about the chances of flying to the Caribbean island of St. Martin/Sint Maarten for a few weeks vacation.  We haven't been able to fly for over 3 years now due to health problems and problems created by COVID-19.  We are getting antsy and can only hope that we will be able to fly soon.  Carol and I talked about where we would stay, which beaches we would want to visit, favorite places we would love to go to eat and friends we would want to visit while on the island.  Then there is always the pre-planning when we have to decide which city we want to fly from as well as what airline we want to use for our flight.  Now...all during this time of pre-planning, we talked about how we feel about flying once again.  I got online and checked out a few choices of dates, times to fly and seating in the plane.  And then I clicked on another site and I saw a headline in bold type that read..."What Actually Happens When You Flush an Airplane Toilet?"  Geeezzzeee!  I'm not sure I ever wondered about that in my life!  I guess it might be a good question, but I'm sure it must have an easy answer or more would be written about it in the past.  Naturally, I had to read what actually happens...wouldn't you want to know?  Seems that during any given flight, travelers flush the toilets up to 1,000 times.  And, being that there isn't any indoor plumbing up at 30,000+ feet in the sky, your stuff has to go somewhere.   When airfare first began years and years ago, the very first airplane toilets were primitive and direct; you know...a bucket and a bottle.  Then when airlines began using toilets they used Anotec which is a blue deodorizing gel that flushed away waste and controlled odor.  The airlines had to store gallons of the stuff, which naturally made the planes heavy and resulted in planes wasting precious fuel and having to limit passenger space.  In addition, the storage tanks were directly below the toilets, so the smell would sometimes drift up into the cabin.  Not a good idea if it happens when the attendants are serving drinks and snacks.  And, the early toilets weren't the best, so some of the lumps of blue gel mixed with feces, might drop to earth at great speeds and damage cars and houses below.  Well, that ended when commercial flying began using pressurized cabins and bathroom systems saw an upgrade as well.  In 1975, a design was made that featured a nonstick bowl, a small amount of Skychem (disinfecting liquid), and powerful vacuum suction.  Now, when you flush an airplane toilet, a trapdoor in the base opens, liquid is released, and everything is sucked out faster than a Formula 1 race car.  Waste whizzes through the plumbing to the rear of the plane, where it is stored in sealed tanks, well away from the passengers, until the plane touches down.  On a long-distance flight travelers might flush the toilets around 1,000 times which could create over 200 gallons of sewage.  When the aircraft lands, a "honey truck" siphons out the waste and disposes of it into the airports sewage system.  The next time you travel by plane, see if you can spot the "honey truck" after your plane lands.  It may be the one that is dripping stuff from under it as it reaches and leaves your plane. And...might you wonder if the plane might accidentally empty the tanks in flight, not to worry.  The door has external clips that can't be opened from inside the plane.  But, what about the toilet vacuums that operate when you flush the toilet.  Did you ever think that it might suck out your insides?  I've never read about that happening so I assume you are safe.  But, who would search for stuff like that to read about anyway.  And...come to think of it, when a plane takes off it weights a certain amount which is the plane itself, all the people and all the stuff in the cabin including the luggage.  So, how could it gain, or lose weight no matter how many times everyone goes to the bathroom during a flight.  You may get lighter after using the bathroom, but the plane will gain what you lost.  Everything should be Even/Steven.  See....nothing to worry about.  Now the only thing that could change may be the smell in the cabin!   So...remember a nose clip when you travel!  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.  

The "Women Who Hunt Pythons" Story

It was an ordinary day.  Trying to think of a name for today's story, but the only thing I could come up with was what you just read.  It tells exactly what the story is about...believe it or not!    A lady by the name of Donna Kalil claims she loves snakes.  Fascinated by them since she was a kid and her father was in the Air Force and they lived in the mountains of Venezula where he was stationed.  She and her friends loved playing 'I spy' in which they had to hunt for birds, snakes and other animals.  Donna said she became good at sighting just about anything in the jungle.  Today she not only tries to find them, but kills them.  Not all types of snakes...only the Burmese python.

The Burmese python seems to have taken over the South Florida Everglades since they were first sighted in the 1970s.  It is tough to find any rabbits or foxes anymore in the Everglades since the pythons have taken over the swamps.  The pythons also attack amphibians, reptiles and wading birds including the much loved wood stork.  They even go after alligators and crocodiles.  Today, many of the Everglades hunters are going after the python.  So, where did all the pythons come from.  Some say the growth of pet pythons, who seemed to have grown too big for a pet and have been released into the  Everglades...is one reason.  Paid contractors and others have killed roughly 9,000 snakes since 2017 when the program began.  The pythons breed prolifically, laying anywhere from half-a-dozen to 100 per nest.  Since the python has very few predators, their numbers are growing quickly.  Recently hunting contests have been used to try and lower the size of the python population.  Most python hunters have been men, but Donna has proven to be an effective hunter.  

Python hunter Donna Kalil

Donna, a blond, tan, lithe former homecoming queen in high school in Dayton, Ohio has teamed with one of her protégées, Amy Siewe and have been a highly effective pair of eradicators.  They hunt to save the native creatures that are being annihilated by the Burmese Pythons.  The largest one they have caught to date is a 17 foot, 110 pounder.   Both girls love the snakes and don't relish killing them, but they feel a need to protect the native wildlife.  Now, I guess I should tell you that both python hunters work the night shift in the Everglades!  They begin searching for their prey when the sun goes down until dawn.  Now...how scary can that be?  Seems that's when the pythons also hunt for their quarry.  You'd never catch me in the Everglades trying to catch a 17 foot, 110 pound snake in the dark.  Wow!  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.

The "One More Heartwarming Story To Share With You" Story

It was an ordinary day.  Reading a story in my morning paper about love letters which united two strangers. The story was submitted by Joan M. Steller.  The story submitted to the Lancaster Newspaper was for a column known as "I Know A Story."  The title of the story was "Love letters unite two strangers."  It read:  It has been 5 1/2 years since I sold my house and its contents.  In preparing for the sale, the auctioneers checked the attic and discovered love letters I had written to my boyfriend, later my husband, when he was in the U.S. Army, stationed in Guam.   I was unaware that they planned to sell them, but they did and they were bought by an antiques dealer from Bowmansville.  At the time, they were written, I was a senior in high school.  We wrote nearly every day about what was going on in our lives.  That year was exciting for me, as I was very involved in the music department of my school.  My boyfriend was helping to build the air strip used for the bombers to take off for Vietnam.  This was the period between the Korean War and the Vietnam War.  One day, a teenage senior from Douglasville and her mother were perusing the antique shop in Bowmansville when she came across my letters.  She bought them, read them, felt like she knew me and did some research to find me.  She located me at the retirement community where I now reside and wrote and asked if I'd like to get my letters back.  I agreed, and she sent them.  I spent all of one afternoon reading them, through tears.  I had written one of the letters in  a study hall and said, "I have to go now, I have to go to gym class..... I hate gym!"  Sarah, my new friend, wrote, "I hate gym, too!"  At that point, Sarah and I became pen pals.  She graduated from high school and sent me her lovely graduation picture.  She then went on to graduate from Penn State.  While there she was required to write an essay for one of her classes.  She wrote about me and got an "A" on her paper!  Then she spent a semester in Ireland and sent me a little gift and letters from there.  After graduation, she landed a good job in Washington, D.C.; now we are still writing.  We've never met, but enjoy a very special friendship with each other.  The author lives in Lititz, Pennsylvania and is the widow of Harold Steller.  Stories such as the one you just read are both enjoyable to read and heart-warming.  Perhaps your newspaper also has a place where you can send similar stories to share with others in your community.  I'll bet you could brighten the life of someone in your community if you too sent a story similar to the one you read today.  Take the time and give it a try,  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.

The "The Man...Samuel Clemens (a.k.a. Mark Twain) Story

It was an ordinary day.  Reading about a fellow known as Samuel Clements.  You may have known him as Mark Twain who was said to have had a font of quotable sayings, covering everything from the afterlife to adventure.  

Mark Twain

His quotes are not only inspiring, but funny and sometimes sarcastic.  He is best known for his humor.  It's been over a century since he died, but he remains one of the most widely quoted people.  His beloved Huckleberry Finn is one of the most misquoted folks in American history, with purported Twain-isms disputed and fact-checked on a regular basis.  The following quotes have all been attributed to Mark Twain, but not a single one was written by him.  The quotes have been credited to Mark Twain so often that the origin of each gets muddied.  Actually, Twain-isms have been disputed so often that the original origin of each is not known in many cases.  I have included 13 quotes that have been credited to Mr. Twain, but were not written by him.  I included the author in case you may want to know whom actually penned the quote.

"A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes."

– Written by satirist Jonathan Swift in 1710.

"Never let schooling interfere with your education."

– Coined by the novelist and essayist Grant Allen in 1894

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do."

– Written in the 1990 book "P.S. I Love You" by H. Jackson Brown, Jr. and credited to his mother, Sarah Frances Brown

"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."

– Attributed to an anonymous government researcher in 1968

"The secret of getting ahead is getting started."

– Origin unknown

"The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why."

– Anonymous

"I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time."

– Written by French mathematician and philosopher Blaise Pascal in 1656

"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."

– Origin is unknown

"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco."

– Said in some form by actor James Quinn in the 1700s

"Golf is a good walk spoiled.

– Likely originally said in some form by an unknown couple called "the Allens," friends of author H. S. Scrivener, in a conversation about lawn tennis in 1903

Why not go out on a limb? That’s where the fruit is."

– Written by journalist Frank Scully in 1950

"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint."

– A version was credited to Berlin doctor Markus Herz in 1912

"Don't believe the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." – Attributed to humorist Robert J. Burdette in 1883 

If you ever come upon a Mark Twain quote that you suspect might not be accurate, look it up on the website Twain Quotes.  The database was compiled by Barbara Schmidt, a 2017 Mark Twain Journal Legacy Scholar and author at the Center for Mark Twain Studies. Because, as Mark Twain didn't actually say (through the anonymous quote is often attributed to him).... "It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble, it's what you know for sure that just ain't so."  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.