The "The Almost Human Eating Machine" Story

It was an ordinary day.  Reading Jack Brubaker's "The Scribbler" column in the local newspaper about a Millersville cartoonist who wrote and illustrated a book about his fat cat.  The funny story and coloring book was by Dick Weidman that features his cat Jerome.  Talked about Jerome eating anything and everything put in front of him.  Wow, reminded me of the orange and white Tabby that is sitting next to me waiting for his breakfast.  That is after he just came inside after eating the bowl of dry food I put out for the stray ball of fur we call "Larry".  Thought "Larry" was a male when it showed up one day, but after seeing a few other neighborhood cats take advantage of it, we realized it was a female.  Luckily must have been spayed or we would be overrun with kittens by now.  As for our Tabby, Creamsicle, he showed up during a snowstorm a few years ago and was rather slim at the time.  He now weighs over 12 pounds, having eaten his share of just about everything we give him.  Since Carol and I are "empty nesters", we enjoy the company of our cat and treat him as if he was human.  Not the best for him, but we do it anyway.  Breakfast for him means a small can of cat food before he heads outside to search for mice, birds or even a squirrel for more nourishment.  Lunch finds him at our feet as he talks and talks until we can find something leftover from the previous evening or even a piece of lunch meat to hold him until supper.  He needs to eat, or so he thinks, at exactly 5:00 PM and if we are engrossed in Judge Judy and forget his meal, he reaches his paw up, and with a claw or two extended, reminds me.  I always acknowledge the claw and tell him he'll have to wait a few more minutes.  

Creamsicle telling me it is time to eat!

If that doesn't deter him, I either move to another chair where he can't reach me, or I'll feed him.  As you see, he has us trained very well by now.  After eating his dish of cat food, he patiently waits on the floor next to me, until Carol or I finish watching TV and head to the stove to begin supper.  Another begging session then begins with his constant talking and chattering.  I have never had a pet that cannot shut up!  I often tell him that I can see why his former owner dropped him off in the neighborhood.  He looks at me with a puzzling look, as he continues to talk to me.  When supper is ready he enjoys a few scraps from our meal which will hold him over until we have finished and place our plate next to us on the floor for him to finish the remnants of our supper.  He enjoys just about anything available to him.  If I have part of a hamburger left over, the burger goes first, than the bread follows.  Oh yeah, then dessert follows and he enjoys licking out the bowl of pudding, rice and even ice cream.  We tend to make sure he doesn't get too much ice-cream since I'm sure it isn't any better for him than it is for us.  His nap time follows until about 9:00 PM when I feel the claw once again.  Time for his baby food which is how we get him to take the pill he needs to keep the size of his heart reduced.  Bed time for us means a treat for him as he follows us up the stairs to our bedroom.  This goes on and on, day after day, so the cat belonging to Mr. Weidman is no exception in our house.  Our vet tells us he seems healthy, so we continue to treat him as a human.  The only disadvantage with his eating routine is the overabundance of gas created by Creamsicle eating human food.  At times it is unbearable and we have to chase him from the TV room so we don't pass out.  At first my wife blamed me, but after having it happen when I wasn't home made her see the light.  We have no idea how old Creamsicle may be since he was a stray, so we are thankful for the time we have with him and will continue to treat him as a human until the time comes when our vet tells us it may be best to change his diet.  Maybe then we can all eat cat food!   It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.