The "Too Old To Be Young!" Story

It was an ordinary day.  Reading an online article telling me that 60 is the new 40!  Well, I'm telling you I'm past 40, way past, as well as quite a bit past 60, and I can assure you that 60 certainly isn't the new 40.  I can slightly remember what it was like to be 40, both physically and mentally, and when I reached 60 I certainly didn't have the same physical or mental presence that I did when I was 40. Nah, I take that back since my mental capacity is much better now that I'm way past 60.  Just ask anyone who knows me.  As far as my physical capacity is concerned, I can't run the base paths as fast during softball games and couldn't throw the ball as hard as when I was 40.  Matter of fact, I didn't even think of playing softball when I reached 60 and when I do throw the ball, as when a ball is hit to be during my grandson's baseball games where I sit in the nearby bleachers, I throw it underhand.  Too many chances of tearing muscle tissue in my shoulder to try throwing overhand.  And, now that I'm nearing my mid-70s, I hand the ball to someone near me to throw it back onto the field.  When I was 40 I never even thought what it would be like when I was 60 or 70.  I guess that proves that I am gaining wisdom since I know what my strengths and weaknesses may be.  I still do things that I did back in my 40s such as quickly jog across the street if needed to avoid traffic, put my 40 foot extension ladder against the house so I can climb it and paint, lift 40 pound cases of paper while doing the in-house printing chores at the high school where I taught and drive fast like I used to; even at night!  I now have one bum foot due to shingles, scars all over my body from stuff being cut out of me from being out in the sun too much, a finger that bends in an unusual manner due to getting it stuck in the printing press over 40 years ago, ears that don't hear as well as they used to (even with hearing aides), and eyes that have these little things that float from top to bottom each time I close and open them.  

A very relaxed and older LDub contemplating the subject of age;
of course, with more wrinkles!  Photo by granddaughter Camille.

I have bones that make funny crunching noises when I move certain directions, funny noises that emanate from my stomach and other parts of my body on a frequent schedule, no need to go to the barber anymore and teeth that should have been fixed when I was a kid, but parents that couldn't afford that.  But hey ... I can still beat many younger than me at guessing the right prices on The Price is Right, knowing the questions on Jeopardy and guessing the puzzles on Wheel of Fortune.  And, Vanna was turning the letters when I was 40!  I can still run the vacuum, wash the floor on my hands and knees, do the dishes, clean the bathroom, do the windows inside and out, mow the grass, wash the car and shovel the driveway and walk.  I can still sing most of the songs from the era when songs actually had words you could understand; that is if da doo run run is language you can understand.  I can still shake, rattle and roll, literally.  But, I still have trouble with the hand jive, just as I always did.  And, I still think I'm pretty hip since I like shows such as The Big Bang Theory, Modern Family, Life In Pieces, American Pickers and Dating Naked.  But none of them will ever top the reruns of Seinfeld.  Come to think of it I did watch Seinfeld when I was in my 40s.  I still look at life as a glass half full and still love smelling the roses and the variety of plants and flowers my wife raises in our lovely garden.  When it comes to love, I have the comfort of knowing I found the right one almost 50 years ago, but I knew that when I was 40; actually when I was 22. And spiritually, I talk to God through prayer as often as I can; that's what keeps me going right now.  You know, with all that's going on it the world today, I at times wouldn't want to be 40 again.  I'm worried what's going to happen in the next 4 years. Worried for my children and grandchildren. But you know, as Jack Benny once said (even thought I never heard him say it), "Age is strictly a case of mind over matter.  If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."  That and the fact that I am really only 22 years old ... in Celsius.  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.