It was an ordinary day. The nurse in the cubicle next to me was asking the fellow in his early 90s if he wanted to wear his leg with the sneaker or the leg with the dress shoe. I'm thinking...just give him one...please, just give him one...all he has to do is sit on the pot and take a crap! It was the same thing at least half a dozen times every day and every night. And then the clean-up followed. And to top that off, all the food he was eating was going down the wrong tube in his throat which lead to terrible coughing and spitting. All day and all night. At least by the afternoon of the third day they had figured out why it was happening and corrected it. The poor guy had been in an automobile accident and since he had not been wearing his seat belt, suffered quite a few injuries. Luckily the gal and her young daughter who were in the other car were not injured seriously, at least according to all the family members who came to visit him. And, I mean ALL the family members. And...he had a BIG family. Many of them stopped to wish me well, but all I wanted to do was sleep, since I had little chance to do so during most of my time in room 7903. After two nights of the torture I begged the poor nurse to let me go home. She said I still had a catheter in me and I couldn't leave. "I'll pull it out if I can go home," I said to her. "Please, just pull it out!!" And then, a short time later, it happened...she pulled it out!!! She had checked and the doctor had told her that if I could pee on my own I could go home. She did tell me that it may take half a day or more for me to be able to pee, but at least I would be home for bedtime. It was 8:30 AM when she released the catheter and within two minutes I was in the restroom tying to pee. A minute later I brought out a plastic cup I had found in the bathroom that had about a half inch of alleged clear urine in it. She looked at me suspiciously, and called the doctor. He too must have been suspicious since he ordered a scan to see if I still had anything in my bladder. The nurse held up the scanning device and said, "I just don't know how you did that. You have nothing in your bladder. Start packing!" I had just had half-a-day of back surgery, but there was no way possible I was staying any longer in that hell-hole of a room. Now, I must admit that I had all the nurses on my side after seeing what I was going though, but the nurse was still amazed. She told me to call my wife, get dressed and she would take care of the paper-work as quickly as possible. For anyone reading this you know how long that can take, but by 11:00 am I was at home watching "The Price is Right." All I can say is my nurse was a real sweetheart. I know their job is hard, especially with having to put up with patients like be, but she really was trying to help me get out of one really miserable position. And, boy, did I appreciate it. "Thank you dear from the bottom of my heart!!" It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy. PS - And, one last time...the Beatles with "Help!" I sure needed it!!
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