The "The Other LDub...Revisited...When Will It Ever End?" Story

It was an ordinary day.  Just got home after a few hours of work at the gallery where I work matting and framing artwork for a former student of mine.  My wife told me to sit down so she can tell me something.  Uh, Oh!  She said the bank had just called and told her they weren't going to give us the home equity line of credit loan we had requested.  They did some checking and found we hadn't paid our state taxes for three years. "WHAT!" I said to her.  Her face had a serious look to it...for about 5 seconds until I saw the smile...almost laugh, when she said it had happened once again.  I knew instantly what she meant.  Story began over 30 years ago when I was at school running the printing press during summer break.  My youngest son answered the home phone and after a short time called down the stairs to my wife telling her dad had left his wallet at the Whirl-A-Sage, a questionable massage parlor in downtown Lancaster, PA.  When I got home my wife looked at me with a serious look on her face and asked if I had my wallet with me.  I pulled it out of my pocket and then she told me about the call.  Called back and told them it wasn't me!  A year or two later a collection agency called and said they were trying to collect $700 for a bill that was submitted to them for Larry W. Woods.  Seems I had spent five days in the Lancaster General Hospital psychiatric unit and hadn't paid the bill.  My wife took care of that problem for me when they checked the date of birth.  A few years after that the Sheriff from Willow Street, a nearby town, called and told Carol I needed to come in and settle an issue they were investigating.  Once again she took care of that, knowing by now exactly what to tell whomever called.  Not long after that we saw in the birth section of the newspaper that my wife and I had just had twins.  Wasn't long after that we began to get invitations in the mail to join the twins club.  Also started getting coupons for free baby material.  And then, one day a call came from a veterinarian in Elkton, Maryland who said my wife had passed a bad check and they found my name in a Pennsylvania phone book and called to tell me to send another check.  Starting to see how annoying this can become.  And then a call came once again from the Sheriff in Elkton telling me about a summons for my arrest due to a bad check passed at a home improvement store in Elkton.  We called the store and talked to a gentleman who said he waited on Larry Woods who said he had just returned from Iraq and wanted to pay for his materials with a check.  He wasn't supposed to take a check, but did so since he felt bad for me.  Check bounced and I was wanted by the Sheriff's office.  Seems the salesman pressed charges since he was made to pay the bill since company policy didn't allow him to take a check in the first place.  Asked for the full name of Larry W. Woods and when they said Larry Wayne Woods, Jr. I told them my middle name was William.  Date of birth wasn't the same either.  Today Carol told me it happened once more.  We weren't given the loan since Larry W. Woods had not paid three years of state taxes in Pennsylvania.  We knew right away who it was!  I called my financial advisor and he was upset the bank didn't ask for Social Security numbers or date of birth of the fellow that hadn't paid their taxes.  I then called the bank and asked them.  They had no good reason, but realized by now it wasn't me who had not paid their taxes, since my wife had spent quite q bit of time on the phone with them telling about all the problems we have had over the years.   They did require me to stop and sign a paper saying I wasn't that Larry W. Woods whom they had checked.  Wasn't going to do so, but thought it was the easiest thing to do to put an end to it.  So...what's next?  Only time will tell.  But, if you see my name on the front page of the paper telling about my arrest, don't worry.   I'll be writing about it since it really won't be me.  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.