The "When You Don't Know What You're Talking About, It's Hard To Know When You're Finished!" Story

It was an ordinary day.  Decided to write a story about cursing.  Why?  Because I very seldom swear, at least not in public, and I read that those who swear the most are more than likely the most intelligent people.  Now how the crap can that be?  Now, I do use the word "crap" quite often, but I don't consider myself intelligent because I use that word quite frequently.  And, it doesn't mean I don't curse up a storm when I'm talking to myself.  But I just feel uncomfortable when I swear.  Can you imagine how hard it may be to write a story about swearing without actually typing a swear word.  Anyway, researchers at Marist College in New York say a big vocabulary of curse words is a sign of higher rhetorical skill, and those that can name the most swear words in one minute tend to have a greater overall vocabulary.  They actually tested people to see who could name the most swear words.  And, this is a college!  And, they did it more than once.  In their first experiment, they gathered 43 participants who, as a group, had to come up with as many swear words as they could in one minute.  These 43 people, of which 30 were female, came up with 533 words that are considered taboo.  My guess is that crap isn't one of them.  Maybe craphead, stupidcrap, dumbcrap, etc.  Nah, they wouldn't have put those words down.  They probably aren't even words.  But, holy crap, I'd have a hard time coming up with 533 words in one minute that were just regular words let alone swear words.  Then they asked 49 more people, 34 whom were women, between the ages of 18 and 22 to write down, as individuals, as many curse words as possible that began with the letter "A" in a minute.  Then they asked this same group to do the same thing, but this time list a kind of animal that began with the letter "A".  I couldn't find results for that test, but it was stated that those who wrote the most "A" curse words also wrote down the most "A" animal names.  Seems that those who know the larger amount of curse words have a better vocabulary.  So swearing all the time is a sign of higher intelligence?  What the #%#$.  Hey, I wonder if they were allowed to write down words like A&%* and F&@*.  So, these tests showed that a colorful tongue may mean the talker isn't lazy or uneducated, but a more educated person who happens to not be able to contain themselves when they get upset.  A professor at UC San Diego reported that amazing things can be discovered about how the mind works, how the brain works and people's human sociality just by looking at their profanity.  Holy crap!!  I guess containing myself all my life was a big mistake.  Probably everyone I know thinks I must be #@&%ing stupid.  Guess I'm going to have to color my tongue a bit and start cursing up a storm.  Holy CRAP!!!  There ... I did it!  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.