The "Stitches in Time" Story

It was an ordinary day. I just finished mowing the grass. Sounds like an easy day, but ....... IT WASN'T. This morning I went to Dr. Brod, my Dermatologist, to have some basil cell cancer removed from my back. Wasn't the first time so I knew what to expect. Two years ago he removed some from my chest. 24 hours after the surgery I removed the bandage and my wife proclaimed, "Did you have open heart surgery!" Really big cut with lots of stitches to close the wound. The doctor likes to remove tissue down to the bone. The surgery I had today was in the middle of the right side of my back. After completing the surgery he told me to return in 10 days to have the stitches taken out. I asked if this was something my wife could do and he laughed and said she could, but he would rather do it to make sure the wound had healed properly. He told me to take it easy for the rest of the day. I asked him, "Can I mow the grass using my riding mower?" He hesitated, realizing that I was probably going to do it no matter what he said, and responded, "Don't stretch or make any sudden movements or the stitches will rip out and you'll be back in here later today." I promised to take it easy and after returning home, hopped on my mower. This is the second time I mowed this spring and only needed to use the riding mower and not the push mower. Was going good as usual until I reached the north side of the property. I have a drainage culvert that runs along my property and has about a 45 degree slope down into the culvert bottom. All I have to do is lean hard on the mower and I can slowly cut the grass as I ride along the slope. Was almost done when the back wheels started to slip and I realized the mower was going to the bottom of the culvert with me on it. So I jumped off and rolled down the incline! Right on my back! Mower shut off immediately and slid to the bottom, also. But, I didn't pull my stitches out, I don't think. Don't feel anything running down my back. Now what do I do? First I went into the house and checked in the mirror to see if the bandage was red. Nope! OK, now what about the mower, I thought. I went to my garage, got a long heavy nylon rope and hopped in the car. Drove up the street to my neighbors house and headed up his driveway. From there I drove across his property to my property and backed up to the mower. Tied the rope to my car and the other end to the front axle of the mower. Made sure the mower was in neutral and hopped back in the car. And just like that ....... the mower came out of the ditch. Kept the tension on the rope while I went back to the mower and put the brake on to hold it in place, then released the tension, removed the rope and took the car back to my garage. Then, I finished the mowing. You know, I should have changed my good pants and shirt before I started to mow. I now have grass stains on the pants and grease and oil stains on me and my shirt and pants. After I finished, I took off the clothes, used the stain stick and stuck them in the washer. And, the doctor doesn't have to know about any of this. Neither does my wife and since she very seldom reads my blog, I'm sure she'll never find out. Right? It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.