The "Uninvited Guest" Story

It was an ordinary day.  Looking at "Annie's Mailbox", one of my daily chores when I read the morning paper, and read the first letter addressed to "Dear Annie."  It was a letter asking if the new advice columnists could reprint an essay that Ann Landers had printed years ago titled "The Stranger in My House."  As I read it I thought with a few changes it could be adapted to me.  Really makes you think and at times gets scary, because it actually may be happening to me and I don't realize it.  As a matter of fact, it could be happening to many of you who read this blog.  So, read my version, but put yourself into my place and see how you might respond to the essay.  The original essay was copyrighted in 1999 and therefore I am writing my own with the same idea in mind that the author, Rose Mula captured when she wrote her essay.  

"The Uninvited Guest who frequents my Home"

Something strange is happening and I'm not sure I like it.  A guest is making frequent visits to my home and I have no idea who he may be.  Not sure how he got in and where he stays while in my house.  All I know is this uninvited stranger happened to appear one day and hasn't left.  He's a cleaver old devil, so he is.  He hides throughout the house and at times, as I pass the mirror, I catch sight of him.  When I look in the mirror while brushing my teeth or shaving, he's staring back at me.  Completely gets in my way.  I have yelled at him to leave, but he just yells back at me.  Now I don't mind guests in the house, but if this fellow wants to stay longer, the least he can do is help with the bills.  Every now and then I do find a folded bill or a handful of change in my pocket or a quarter between the cushions in the family room, but it's not enough for as long as he has stayed.  The other day I went to the bank and deposited a few checks and withdrew some money, but he must be taking it, since there is no way I could have spent the money myself.  And, the ice cream, cookies and donuts are disappearing and I know I couldn't have eaten all those by myself.  He really enjoys the sweets and he better watch it or he'll put on a few pounds.  And, I've noticed that he must be doing something to my wash such as putting my pants and shirts in the dryer on high heat which is making them harder to button and zip.  I am extremely neat and he's driving me nuts at times by hiding things around the house such as my hat, car keys or glasses.  I never had trouble with that until he arrived.  And boy, is he annoying.  Opens my mail, magazines and even lets my newspaper lay around the family room before I have had a chance to look at it.  The other day he smudged the ink on the entire front page of the paper to make it harder to read.  Then he hides my glasses from me.  Some other things that he has done include putting added weights in the vacuum so that it is harder to carry up the steps, gluing the lids on the pickle and ketchup jars so I can't open them and lowering the volume on my cell phone and ringer on my house phone so I can barely hear them.  You'd think if he wanted to be a good friend, he's stop doing those things.  And when I get dressed, he pops up from behind me so I can't see myself.  If only he knew how stupid he looked in some of those shirts and pants he wears.  And, boy could he use some wrinkle cream to get rid of the droopy skin under his neck and the spots under his eyes.  And the hair, he seems to have lost all of his.  But, one of the things he does that annoys me the most is jump in front of me when I go to have my photo taken for things such as my passport, driver's license or Costco card.  How inconsiderate can one be.  No one will ever believe that is me when they look at my card! 

Sound like someone living with you?  Made me think!  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.