The "Never The Twain Shall Meet" Story

It was an ordinary day.  Reading my latest edition of "The Saturday Evening Post" which after all these years still comes in the mail every couple of months.  I can still remember looking at the drawings and photos and reading a few of the stories when I was a child and living at 929 North Queen Street in Lancaster, Pennsylvania.  My parents had subscribed to the magazine for many years.  The Saturday Evening Post was first published in 1821 in the same printing shop at 53 Market Street in Philadelphia where the Pennsylvania Gazette had been published in the 18th century.  It began as text densely packed into tight columns on both sides of the page.  It was up to the reader to visualize whatever was going on in the articles they read.  The Post's creative "look" was limited to a few different styles of typography.  It eventually began to add photographs as well as artwork from some of the best artists in the country.  It also began to enlist famous writers who contributed stories from time to time to the publication.  It was considered the first successful mass circulation magazine in the United States and remained in regular print production until 1969, when it briefly ceased circulation.  In 1971 a new owner remodeled the magazine to focus on health and medical breakthroughs. One writer whom I remember the best was Samuel Langhorne Clemens who you probably remember by his pen name of Mark Twain.  

Samuel Langhorne Clemens aka Mark Twain

Mark was an American writer, humorist, entrepreneur, publisher and lecturer.  He has been lauded as the "greatest Humorist the United States has produced.  William Faulkner called him "the father of American literature."  His stories in The Saturday Evening Post were fun to read, but his best novels included "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (1876) and Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1884) which was often called "The Great American Novel."  As I continued to type this story I thought it might be interesting to read a bit more about Mr. Clemens, so I Googled him.  What else would I do?  Page after page of stuff popped up and I knew I was perhaps going to be bored if I decided to read all of it, so I read a condensed version I found on one web site.  Mr. Clemens was born on November 30, 1835.  He was raised in Hannibal, Missouri which was the setting for his Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn books.  He worked as an apprentice with a printer and then worked as a typesetter, contributing articles to the newspaper of his older brother Orion Clemens.  As soon as I read that, I instantly knew why I liked the guy, since I taught graphic arts in high school for many years.  He later became a riverboat pilot on the Mississippi River before heading west to join his brother in Nevada.  He attempted to be a miner, but turned to journalism and wrote for the Virginia City Territorial Enterprise.  His humorous story, "The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County," was published in 1865.  The story was based on a story he heard at Angels Hotel in Angels Camp, California.   His writing earned Twain a great deal of money, but he was a terrible investor and lost most of it.  He tried a few inventions such as the Paige Compositor, a mechanical typesetter that failed because of its complexity and imprecision.  He eventually managed to pay off his debts.  A few interesting facts I found about Samuel Clemens are:  (1) The Clemens family had 19 cats during his childhood with names such as Bambino, Satan, Sin, Sour Mash and Stray Kit.  (2) He tried out several pseudonyms such as Rambler, Josh and W. Epaminoddas Adrastus Blag before settling on Mark Twain which means "the second mark" which is a phrase used by Mississippi River steamboat crews to measure water depth.  (3) His first typewriter cost him $125 (1874) and could only type capital letters and he had to operate the carriage return with a foot pedal.  (4) He claimed to be the first person in New England to have a telephone for private use. (5) He was so well known that he once received a letter addressed "Mark Twain, God Knows Where." (6) In 1905 he spent the summer in Dublin, New Hampshire writing a book called "Three Thousand years Among the Microbes" and rented three kittens from a local farm to keep him company. He never finished the book.  (7) While lecturing at the Dublin Lake Club he noticed an audience member knitting a pair of socks which infuriated him so much he left the room.  The following year he lectured the same group and spoke for over 2 hours and received a standing ovation.  The woman who knitted the socks evidently didn't go to the talk.  (8) In 1907 he walked from his London hotel to a public bath across the street in his blue bathrobe and slippers.  And, (9) In America he often wore scarlet socks and all-white suits, which he called his "don'tcareadam suits."  Samuel Langhorne Clemens was born and died when a comet passed.  He explained it this way, "I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835.  It is coming again next year, 1910, and I expect to go out with it.  It will be the biggest disappointment of my life if I don't.  He died on April 21, 1910, two days after Halley's Comet had reached its point closest to the Sun.  

10 QUOTES BY MARK TWAIN...

“Providence protects children and idiots. I know because I have tested it.”

“Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.”

“I think that I may say that an American has not seen the United States until he has seen Mardi Gras in New Orleans.”

“Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.”

“Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.”

“It used to be a good hotel, but that proves nothing. I used to be a good boy, for that matter.”

“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.”

“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”

“Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.”

“Humor is mankind’s greatest blessing.”

It was in 1873 that "The Saturday Evening Post" first published "Mark Twain's Narrow Escape."  He was a frequent contributor to the Post and his story told about the time he nearly got himself killed in a duel.  The same article was featured in the January/February 2021 issue of The Saturday Evening Post.  Only fitting that I write something about both the Post and Mark Twain.  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.