Preface: My story today is based on an obituary that recently appeared in the newspaper in my home town of Lancaster, Pennsylvania. While writing, I have taken a few lines from the obituary so that I can give you a better understanding of the life of the young woman who recently died.
It was an ordinary day. Until I opened to page A11 and the day, and possibly my life, changed. The face that smiled at me from one of the obituary pages belonged to a young woman named Kelly M. Lynch. And...she had just died.
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| Kelly M. Lynch |
I’ve come to realize this about my own journey. That it’s less about the climb and more about the sacred moments along the way. The ones that brought me to my knees in deep grief. The moments of anger that helped me find my voice. And all right along with the moments I laughed so hard I wet my pants. There’s room for all of it.
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And although goals are a beautiful thing, it’s no longer where I place my energy. I focus on today. What is needed for my well-being. Nature? A bath? A coffee date? Every day is different. Every moment is different.
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As I shift my mindset, I not only find freedom, but I find the beauty of every feeling. Every emotion. Every step I choose to take or not take.
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The noticing and honoring of every moment brings my process into the conscious mind. The end result will then organically unfold.
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XOXO
~Kelly
I am becoming more aware of the way we become molded throughout our lives, like a soft piece of clay. Beliefs get instilled at a young age, often from generations older than us based on their own experiences and their own trainings.
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I get it. I’m doing the same with my own children. I teach them what I know. The difference is that I’m encouraging them to get curious about how they feel versus “this is how you should feel, think, and believe.”
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When it comes to a journey with cancer, since that’s what I know well, everyone has a thought about it. Some have the cure while others say it’s a curse. Some say there’s hope while others honor the journey. If there are so many thoughts about one’s journey, how do we know which one to follow?
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I remember when our daughter, Olivia, was on her journey with cancer, and we were told “have no doubt that she will be cured.” I thought, wow that’s a hell of a lot of pressure. So does that imply it was my fault she passed because of an ounce of doubt?
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And then there’s me. Terminal diagnosis. Feeling tired and some changes in my body, yet trying to maintain a belief that all things are possible. How can I have both?
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And then the download came in.
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There’s room for all of it.
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I saw it as a sphere around me with words floating within it. Words like fear...anger...love...hope...and yes, even doubt. All feelings. There’s room for all of them.
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God that freed me up. It removed the binding I realized I held around my entire being.
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I can experience doubt one minute and hope the next. And it’s all ok.
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No right or wrong. No shoulds or shouldn’ts. Instead creating space to honor the feeling. And then it goes back into the word bank when it shifts.
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Exhaling into that freedom. That it’s all ok. And that there’s room for it all.
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XOXO
~Kelly
I’ve wrestled with this concept of surrender and how it can be so easily entangled with the feeling of giving up. Yet I knew they were somehow different.
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During a few minutes of free writing when I just write whatever comes out, clarity and guidance came pouring in like a Divine download. That’s how these posts unfold.
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We are invited to get curious about 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘴. To be mindful. And to be open to 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵.
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With an exhale, we have the opportunity to release the need to control...or the need to be right...or the need to get caught in the web of shoulds and shouldn’ts.
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Here’s what came through...
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𝙏𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙚𝙭𝙝𝙖𝙡𝙚.
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𝙏𝙤 𝙚𝙭𝙝𝙖𝙡𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙪𝙧𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧.
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𝙏𝙤 𝙨𝙪𝙧𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧 𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙚 𝙚𝙭𝙥𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨.
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𝘼𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙚 𝙚𝙭𝙥𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙛𝙧𝙚𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙤𝙪𝙡.
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A flow of one thing leading to the next. I exhale every time I read this. A gift of insight meant to be shared.
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XOXO
~Kelly
I have this thing with words.
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Ones that trigger me.
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And words that hold deep meaning.
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Like “Enough”.
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All my life I’ve struggled with enoughness.
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Am I good enough?
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Smart enough?
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Fit enough?
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Worthy enough?
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Funny enough?
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Fair enough?
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Educated enough?
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Healthy enough?
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My enoughness (or lack there of) held my courage hostage from taking many next steps on my soul’s journey.
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And then there’s “Enough!”
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A firm stance.
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The first time I spoke this word was for our 5 y/o daughter as cancer was taking over her body, and her journey in this lifetime was showing all signs of coming to an end.
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She cried out in pain during what would come to be her final oncology procedure.
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My heart pounded as I knew it was up to me to speak for her pain.
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The very thing I would ordinarily keep stuffed down so as to not offend the medical staff...or anyone for that matter.
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Yet the word came flying out.
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“Enough!”
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Tears streamed down my cheeks representing a spectrum of emotions in that one pivotal moment.
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My grief didn’t matter as much as my stance for our daughter.
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This one word shares two incredibly powerful meanings.
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And with all that’s happening both in the world and in our personal lives...
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What better time to maintain that strong stance of change...
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“Enough!”
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And the completion of “I am”...
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...Enough.
XOXO
~Kelly
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