The "It's Sort Of Disgusting...But Evidently Delicious!" Story

It was an ordinary day.  There it was on the front page of my morning newspaper...two hands holding a very large Northern Snakehead...or as some call them...a snakefish.  Thing is ugly, I'm sorry to say, but evidently it tastes remarkable.  A couple of Southern Maryland lawmakers want to boost the catch and consumption of the Northern Snakehead, one of the Chesapeake Bay's more troublesome invasive fish, by giving it a new, less off-putting moniker; if that is possible.  How many of you, when you go out to eat, would order snakefish off the menu?  

Perhaps you might ask if the restaurant has a photograph of the snakefish before you order it.  And, if you do so...I promise you that you may turn sick to your stomach.  Which is really a shame, since those that have tasted  the fish report that it is delicious   Perhaps if I never had seen the fish and it was brought to me on a plate with all the fixings, I just might like it.  Seems that to make it taste better, a new name for the fish has been suggested by Maryland House Republicans.  They have suggested it be renamed the "Patuxent Fish"!  The fish is native to parts of Asia and Russia, but was discovered somehow in 2002 in a pond in Crofton, Maryland, not far from the Little Patient River.  Authorities promptly poisoned and drained their pond, but apparently too late to keep the fish from spreading.  Now, two years later, the fish turned up in the Potomac River near Woodbridge, Virginia. Since then, they have made their way throughout much of the Chesapeake Bay watershed, including the Susquehanna River and the Eastern Shore.

Snakeheads already have a variety of nicknames, the most notorious being "Frankenfish," inspired by their toothy appearance, voracious appetites for other fish and crustaceans, and their somewhat exaggerated ability to survive out of water and "walk" over land.  Can you imagine a small child seeing one of these fish walking toward them while on the beach.  States that have snakefish in their waterways have been encouraging anglers for years to catch and eat or at least kill as many snakeheads as they cn, and they have placed no limit on the commercial harvests.  I must admit that they are very scary when you first see one.  Those long, pointy, sharp teeth that hang from the top and bottom of their mouth along with the shiny gray lips look very threatening.  And, the size of their head is even worst!   The fish has been known to cause ecological havoc!!  Patuxent Riverkeeper Fred Tutman, where the fish are said to have come from, began to circulate a petition warning that naming the snakehead for the river he's sworn to protect "potentially stigmatizes" it in the public's mind.  People might assume there's something wrong with the river or the other fish, crabs and oysters that come from it.  You know how hard it is to get someone to eat a fish as ugly as a fish called a snake. That's unfortunate since snakehead ranks just behind white perch as the best tasting fish in the Chesapeake Bay.  Betcha most of the restaurants don't call it a "snakefish" on their menu's.  Rachael Dean, secretary of the Calvert County Watermen's Asso., called the renaming bill in congress a "noble cause" but said naming it Patuxent Fish, which has been suggested, doesn't have a ring to it."  Some suggest it be called the "Bailey fish" after Maryland Senator Bailey.  She said, "I think we can get behind fried Bailey, baked Bailey, Bailey tacos, Bailey nuggets and Bailey bites."  Another official suggested naming it "Channa argus."  Pass the Channa argus fish, please!  Sound good?  Well, now they have amended the bill and will now "officially" call the fish the Chesapeake Channa.  Yeah, I could go for that in one of my Maryland restaurants my wife and I visit from time to time.

 Channa will reflect its native or scientific name.  Now watermen are happy, restauranteurs are also happy, and patrons are happy.  Just don't post a photograph of the fish anywhere in the restaurant or wear the above shirt when you enter the restaurant.  I'm absolutely sure that it won't go over very well!  But...wait!!  Rachel Jones, government affairs director for the Maryland Department of Agriculture, offered one more offbeat suggestion by naming it the "Joefish" after her boss, Joe Gillespie.  Seems Joe hooked a snakehead in a local pond more than two decades ago.  Nah...I have no idea what Joe looks like!   It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.