The "Other LDub" Story

It was an ordinary day. I had just received a call from the sheriff of Elkton, MD. I wasn't home so he left a message on my answering machine. The message said he had some questions to ask me before he issued a summons for my arrest. Needless to say, I called him immediately. He wanted to know about the bad check that I had given to a home improvement store in Elkton. Seems I went in with a hard luck story about just getting back from Iraq and needed some items for my new business. Salesman wasn't supposed to take out of state checks, but fell for the story and left me buy a large quantity of copper pipe. Found that the check bounced and the phone number on the check had been disconnected. "Hey, wasn't me," I told him. He replied "Is your name Larry W. Woods?" "Yes, but my middle name stands for William and not Wayne," I told him. He had given me the name of Wayne on the message he had left for me. This wasn't the first time I have had calls like this. Seems that another person with the same first name, middle initial, and last name has been doing some things he shouldn't be doing for many years now. And since his name is not in the phone book and mine is, I get all his calls. Started many years ago when the Whirl-A-Sage in Lancaster, a men's massage parlour, called and spoke to my son. Told him I had left my wallet in one of their massage rooms. He naturally passed the message on to my wife. When I got home a few minutes later, she asked, "Do you have your wallet in your pocket?" I pulled it out, showed it to her and she said, "Lucky for you!" That was the start of knowing the other LDub. A year had past and we had another message on the answering machine. Carol listened to the message and called the collection agency who had left the message. They were calling on behalf of the Lancaster General Hospital. Seems I owed them a sizable amount of money for a week's stay I had in the hospital. They couldn't give her much information, but told her to call the hospital for more info. She immdeiately did and after checking dates of birth and SS#s, they realized they had the wrong LDub. Not only that, she told them, "We were on vacation during the week you told me he was there and my LDub was with me the whole time." After straightening that problem out, we knew there would be more! Then I saw in the newspaper that LDub and his wife had twins. Shortly after, we starting getting free baby material in the mail and an invitation to join the twins club. Look kinda funny for two people in their 60s joining a club for parents of newborn twins. We passed on that one. Then a call from a veterinarian in Elkton, MD. The faux LDub's wife had passed a bad check at their office and they found my name in the PA phone book and were calling me to make it good. Another explanation was needed to straighten this one out. Then one day I had to go to a clinic to have blood drawn for a blood test. I was taken right away and told to sit in a lab room until a tech came for my blood sample. In walked a very surprised nurse who took one look at me and said, "You're not my brother!" Seems the other LDub had a sister who worked in Lancaster. "Glad to meet you," I said. I questioned her about her brother, but left it at that. She was the most pleasant person and I knew right away taht this was not her problem. All was quiet for a year or so until I heard the beep of the answering machine and listened to the call from the Sheriff. And, I'm sure more will come!! It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.