The "Whoever Said History Was Boring?" Story

It was an ordinary day.  Reading "The Lancastrian" Facebook page when I came across a post entered by Roseanna Harrison on November 1, 2019.  Story about how life was in the good ol' days in Lancaster County.  After reading the post I figured the story could have been written about just any location in the United States in the 1500s.  I thought it would be an interesting read for my blog, so I have rewritten the story to make it a bit easier to understand, yet not taking any of the most interesting parts out of the story.  So...read on:

Back in the 1500s people used to use urine to tan animal skins, so all family members used to pee in a pot and then once a day it was taken and sold to the local tannery.  Those families that did this were considered "Piss Poor."  Most people in the 1500s got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, so when June rolled around, they still smelled pretty good.  Brides back then carried a bouquet of flowers to hide body odor.  Hence, the custom of carrying a bouquet still exists today.  When baths were taken, it was usually in a big tub filled with hot water.  The man of the house had the privilege of taking his bath first with other male members of the family following.  The woman of the household came next and finally the female children.  By then the water was so dirty, thus the saying of "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."  Many houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high with no wood underneath.  It was also the only place for animals to get warm so all the cats and dogs, as well as other small animals lived in the warmth of the roof and from time to time they would fall from the roof, thus the saying "Its raining cats and dogs."  Other things fell from the thatched roof into the house which posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection.  And, that's how canopy beds came into existence.  The floor to most homes was dirt.  Only the wealthy had something other than dirt, thus the saying of being "dirt poor."  The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing.  As winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start to slip out the front door.  To prevent that from happening, a piece of wood would be placed across the entrance-way.  Hence, the word threshold.  In the 1500s they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire.  Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot.  They ate mostly vegetables, thus not much meat was added to the pot.  They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day.  Sometimes they had food in it that had been there for quite a few days, thus the rhyme: Peas porridge hot, pease porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.  Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made then feel quite special.  When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off.  It was a sign of wealth that a man could "bring home the bacon."  They would cut off a bit to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat.  Those with money had plates made of pewter.  Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leak onto the food, causing lead poisoning death.  Bread was divided according to status.  Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle and guests the top, known as the upper crust.  Lead cups were used to drink ale and whiskey and the combination would sometimes knock the drinkers out for a couple of days.  Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial.  They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up.  Hence the custom of holding a wake.  And, that my readers was life in the 1500s, believe it or not.  And...I'm sure many of you do not believe it!  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.