The "The Shoe Is On The Other Foot" Story

It was an ordinary day.  My wife Carol and I are discussing what we will do when we feel it is too much work to maintain our house.  Lawn mowing, weeding, watering the flowers, staining the house, snow shoveling, laundry, vacuuming, dishes, cooking, and whatever else may be added to the list are all chores that have to be done in order to ensure that our house is livable and in good order.  So, what do we do?  Well, I'm not at the stage where I want to give up all those jobs.  I enjoy riding the mower over the acre of ground we have and I don't mind weeding the flower beds.  But, I absolutely hate raking leaves.  To combat that responsibility I have a bagger for my mower and I rake the leaves with my mower.  Works pretty well and takes care of that terrible chore.  And the snow shoveling; well, we just wait until the sun has come out and melted the snow.  No big deal.  But, just in case one of us can't physically do the chores, what do we do.  We have talked about retirement homes such as the one that my mom and dad were in for years.  Nice small community that does most all the chores for you.  All you have to do is get up, eat, read, watch TV, visit with neighbors and go to bed.  I could handle that, but not yet.  Then Carol starts with ...... "If you die before I do, I think I would sell the house and move in with one of the kids.  Tad has that huge house with two extra bedrooms.  It would work out fine since he is on night shift.  Or maybe I could move in with Brynn.  Stay in the extra bedroom that we now use when we visit over weekends."  Now it is time for me to interrupt her.  "OK, but what if Tad doesn't want you and feels uncomfortable telling you that.  Are you prepared for all the noise and commotion at Brynn's place with the grandkids.  You wouldn't be able to watch MSNBC as often as you do now."  What would you do if you were faced with not having the finances and had to move in with one of your kids?  Would they take you?  Suppose they did.  What would be the issues that you would have to worry about.  I read a story somewhere a few months ago about When Parents Move In With Kids.  They talked about the three main issues that are the most important: financial arrangements, duties, and privacy.  You should initiate the talks about the financial arrangements, not the child.  Set the amount that you will give them monthly to help pay for your stay at their home.  Make sure it is fair to them as well as you.  Don't make it a written contract though, because if you do they will have to claim those payments as taxable income giving rise to Social Security and unemployment taxes as well as workers' compensation.  May be best to have an elder-law lawyer sit with you and your child to make sure you both are doing the right thing.  As far as the arrangements go, make sure you spend time discussing and maybe even writing down what you and what your child will be responsible for in your new "home."   Do you do the cooking, can you bring your cat with you, will you still be driving, what TV shows will you be watching ...... all questions that need to be answered BEFORE the move in with the child.  And finally, your privacy.  Do you have a room to yourself with a chair and TV as well as a bed.  Will you have your own private bathroom.  Would it be best to add on to their house so you have a larger and more private space and naturally pay for the renovations.  And one of the biggest questions ..... what about bringing friends into the house to watch TV with you or even stay overnight.  And can it be a friend of the opposite sex.  And how does your child feel about you and sex in their house.  Finally, the shoe is on the other foot!!  And, what are you plan to do about it?  It was another extraordinary day in the life of an ordinary guy.